First of all, you know we mean no disrespect by this nickname... O.U.J. It stands for Old Uncle Jerry. When the kids were little, we used it to differentiate between you and my Dad's brother, the other Uncle Gerry. He also seems old to them, but not as old as you were. It was meant to just remind them which uncle we meant, but it became a real term of endearment, as you became more and more a part of my kids' lives. You were really more like another "great-grandfather" to them, more than a great-uncle in the way you paid attention to them, doted on them and made them feel loved. But this is not about about my kids (for once). I'm writing to tell you about one of your grandkids today.
I know how you loved your grandchildren. One thing you never did was boast about them to me when my kids were around. You had a way of making my kids feel like they were the most special and right now I wish I had the words then to thank you for that.
But the photos you showed me when I visited you by myself of your wonderful grandkids, my cousins' children, showed me your deep love for them. You and I would catch up and fill in the pieces about what we had heard about each one. Laughing about Alisa's sass, and how her little sister Anna was trying to emulate that. And how Auntie Jan would have so enjoyed these two little girls who joined our family after she had passed away.
Or talking about the three boys you probably knew the best and your hopes for them... E, A and P... and just how proud you were of the way they were growing into young, handsome men. You never admitted it, but I saw the way your eyes teared up when you talked about the way their dad cared for you. I hope that E, A and P know how deep your love was for them. Maybe I'll tell them. It's that mushy grown-up stuff that I have to do once in a while, I can't leave it all to my mom. I know you looked at all three of those boys and you saw your daughter's face in each of theirs... and you know what a gift each life is. She and I have remained very close, you'll be happy to know.
And then we have three more radiant wonderful grandchildren... each of whom I have been in touch with throughout their lives, but am now getting to know as young adults.
Uncle Jerry, you would be so proud. M graduated college and is trying to figure out what to do with her life. This is a common theme among college grads! I was lucky enough to see a new piece of her artwork and it was stunning.
Her big sister Rachel lives near me, so I see her more frequently. Rachel has become a real New Yorker, and has alluded to the fact that she's handling life's challenges. Anyone who meets her would definitely agree! But the real reason I'm writing today is to tell you about your grandson, Josh.
This gorgeous golden child... the middle child of your eldest, my cousin Mike.
A people pleaser.
I don't know whether Mike, or anyone, told you, but Josh went through a really rough patch, Uncle Jerry. Who knows why. When you died, I think it might have been unclear if Josh would have lived to see the year 2012. I don't know if you knew about this. I know I didn't, because unlike some of us in the family, my cousin Mike is a "holder-inner." So we didn't know that Josh was fighting his demons and struggling the way he was. We saw him at your birthday party that summer, and he was delightful and sweet, as always. I don't know where he was in his battle at that point. I would like to ask him about his story sometime, but this past weekend was not the time.
Uncle Jerry, I'm writing to tell you that Josh is okay. More than okay. This "boy" is a young man now, and he met woman named Danica. Danica's family is nice, warm and welcoming. They are Jewish, and they are from New Jersey! I think you might have liked them. I have only met them (Danica and her parents) a few times, but they feel like a long lost part of the family. There is real love there.
And here's the last piece... O.U.J. here's why I am writing to you tonight. As you know, Mike and his ex-wife Katie did not raise their kids with any strong religious connection at all, but from what I remember, their compromise was to join a Unitarian church, so their kids would have something. You never mentioned this at all. You never even spoke of religion with me, or how your grandkids were being raised. But Josh has spent that last year studying with a Rabbi and taking classes and has "converted" back to Judaism. I just know you would be so proud to know this, and your mother, Grand-mom Mildred, would have too. His other great-grandparents, my grandparents Madeleine and Benjamin would have also been so happy, though in their way, they would not have showed it very obviously. I guess that's where cousin Mike gets it from. At one point I whispered to Josh how proud his family would have been to know that he was coming home to his roots.
He married Danica on Sunday, Uncle Jerry. Under a huppah that was decorated by his now mother-in-law. During the ceremony, a butterfly landed on the huppah and seemed to watch the service for a few minutes. If I were a little more sentimental, I might even think it was your spirit keeping an eye on things, but I am not that corny.
Josh wore a yarmulke with his Hebrew name stitched on it in white thread. He took the name of your father, Yishai.
During the cocktail hour, I noticed that your daughter had placed lots of great photos in the rooms of the mansion where the wedding reception took place. The one that really caught my eye was one I had never seen. It was you and your father, in tennis sweaters with huge smiles, and a twinkle in both of your eyes that matched that of Josh's. Bright, alert and brimming with promise.
I just wanted to let you know... you would have loved it.
I've gotta get going, but know that you are always in my thoughts. Here are a few pictures from the ceremony.
We miss you so much,
Love,
Juliet
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| can you see the butterfly in the upper left? |
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| Josh and Danica |
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