I'm Dreaming of a Green Hanukkah

This is my article from the Rockland Jewish Federation Reporter December Issue.  Thought it would make a good blog posting as well.  Enjoy.

I’m “rededicating” myself to Hanukkah.

Get it?

As far as Jewish holidays go, Hanukkah is aminor one.  It pales in comparison toRosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur, Sukkot and Simchat Torah.  But still, it’s here in December when thedays are short and cold.  It celebratesmiracles and light.  There are gifts andgelt.  And latkes.  Not a bad list for a minor holiday! 

The days of being volunteered by my kids tobe the class “latke mom” are behind me. I am no longer in a position to buy 300 bags of nut-free gelt to feed anentire Hebrew school.  By the time theholiday arrives, chances are I won’t have told the story or recited theblessings over a dozen times. 

Hanukkah, which means “dedication”remembers the rededication of the Holy Temple by the Maccabees .  So, I am rededicating myself to Hanukkah thisyear.  I am looking for ways to find newmeaning in the holiday, while not losing the aspects I love about it.  By a small coincidence, I’ve come up witheight.

1.      Fair Trade Gelt:   The truth is, I don’t even likechocolate.  But my family does.  So this year, I am getting guilt-freegelt.  After just a little bit ofresearch, I found two great options, and there are probably more.  Equal Exchange (www.equalexchange.coop) sells what they call “non traditionalHanukkah pieces.”  A bag of little darkchocolate pieces, saving the hassle of the gold foil wrappers from getting allover the place.  And they donate $.15from each sale to the American Jewish World Service (www.AJWS.com). If you feel like you are not ready togive up the good old gelt shape just yet, there’s Divine Chocolate (www.divinechocolateusa.com). They have a bag of gold coins that you can feel good about giving.  Both products have Kosher certifications.

2.    Home-made candles: I can’t remember thelast time I took the time to make beeswax candles with my kids.  This is a fun and easy project that makes thefestival of lights more meaningful. Buying the beeswax and rolling your own candles is a nice way to connectto the holiday, and even little hands can do it.  Homemade candles also make a nice gift if youare invited to share a night of Hanukkah with friends or family.  You can buy a kit that will make enoughcandles to last all eight nights from Kosher Krafts (1-800-9KRAFTS or www.kosherkrafts.com) or other craft supply stores. 

3.    Use less wrapping paper:  I won’t pretend that I don’t appreciate anicely wrapped gift, but let’s face it… gift wrap is a waste of paper.  If you are not ready to eschew the use ofgift wrap altogether, why not pick one night where you don’t wrap thegifts?  Or use the Sunday comics to wrapyour gifts?  At the very least, recyclegift wrap and reuse!  Your family won’tmind.   This year I am going to trywrapping gifts in scraps of cloth and use ribbons to close them.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

4.    Donate a gift:  Pick one night and have that be a night thatyour family shops to donate a gift to a toy drive.  Teach your children valuable lessons aboutG’milut Hasadim (Acts of Loving Kindness) by doing them!

5.    Teach: I mentioned earlier that this year, I may not have taught the story ofHanukkah dozens of times by the time the holiday arrives.  But that doesn’t mean I should not teach itat all.  As a parent, don’t leave all theJewish education up to the synagogue! Teach your children and learn with them. Tell them about the Maccabees, read a good book to them or tell how youcelebrated when you were their age.  Orfind a new way to explore the holiday!

6.    Tzedakah night:  On one of the nights of Hanukkah, when youare lucky enough to have your whole family together, I might suggest Friday, have an agenda.  Set a tzedakah box in the middle of the table.  and introduce a family tzedakah project forthe year.  Take suggestions.  What is meaningful to all of you?  Did you know that Heifer International(www.heifer.org) works to end hunger and poverty on family at a time?  Or that the Jewish National Fund (www.JNF.org) not only plants trees in Israel, butprovides clean drinking water for Israelis, not to mention the safe playgroundin S’derot.  And, I can’t help butmention our own Federation right here in Rockland County (www.jewishrockland.org) where your dollars go to educational, social,and supportive programs here and in Israel. Once your family decides on a cause, every Friday each person can put adonation into the tzedakah box before Shabbat. See how  much you can accumulatebefore next Hannukah and make a nice donation from your family at that time.

7.    Share: I think about sharing Hanukkah in two distinct ways.  Share the holiday with friends, both Jewishand non-Jewish.  Try someone else’s latkes,even though you know yours are better.   Invitea family with young children if your own are long grown and moved out… or adopta grandparent if you are missing yours. Most synagogues are great resources for helping make theseconnections. 

8.    And Share again: The other way to sharethis holiday is to share what you have with others in a more anonymousway.  Donate your coats and warm clothingto those who need them.  Tell yourchildren to find 5 books or toys to bring to the shelter.  Help the food pantries keep their shelvesstocked.  Other faiths are celebrating aholiday that is, in fact, a very big deal, and people of all faiths are stillfeeling the burden brought on by our recent financial recession.  If you are in a position to help others,there are countless ways to do so.

So, there you have it, my eight ways torededicate for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah this year.  No matter what you celebrate, it's time to thing about celebrating more consciously and with a conscience.    If you have any more ideas, I’d love to hear from you.

You Put our National Bird In the Oven?

If I were to believe the American media, I would have to accept that the entire US is out shopping right now.  It's a day that is called Black Friday, and it has become some kind of made-up preposterous consumer oriented day.   My email inbox is up to about 4,200 emails, most of them are ads for the best prices on things I don't need.  The TV and radio are bludgeoning my ears and eyes with more of the same.  Even the home pages on the Internet are trying to convince me to shop.

Click here to listen to Black Friday by Steely Dan, which has nothing to do with the shopping day after Thanksgiving.


I am not a shopper on the best of days (more on this another time) so there's no way I'm going to trot myself out there with the masses.  But it is a good day to reflect on things I'm thankful for, and update the blog, and try and get caught up on some household stuff.  The funny thing is my husband had a dentist appointment this morning and called when it was over to say he bought a new dishwasher.  Huh?  I guess even the dentist is cashing in on Black Friday.  He's really branched out.


Our Thanksgiving Feast is held at my parents house, a few towns over, in North Jersey.   It is just the immediate family, 12 in all.  We start with shots for everyone... flu shots that is.  My dad, a physician, lines us up and immunizes us all first thing.  This used to be a moment the kids dreaded when they were younger, but they handle it quite well now.  As I type this, the dull ache in my right arm reminds me that I'll be protected when my co-workers get hit this winter.

We then have a prolonged cocktail hour, where my dad or brother has invented a new Thanksgiving drink.  This year, the Turkey-tinis proved undrinkable... I didn't even have the nerve to sample one made from the pan drippings of my brother's Kosher turkey and vodka.  We switched over to crantinis (last year's hit) made from vodka soaked cranberries and vodka and a splash of cranberry juice.  (By the way, these were also known as Sukkah-tinis during Sukkot, and will probably return again during the winter season, as they are tart, delicious, colorful and strong!  Kris Kringle-tinis anyone?)


At the dinner table we usually go around and tell what we are thankful for, though we did not last night.  Instead Mom read from a great article from the New York Times.  You can read it too, by clicking here.  If you don't feel like reading the whole thing... the upshot is this: take time to be thankful.  Thanksgiving is a great time to start, obviously, but the author, John Tierney, suggests a "gratitude journal" to help you out.


A few days ago, however, a colleague did ask me what I was thankful for... and my answer was my family.  I am grateful for them everyday, and I hope that they know that.  Before this weekend is over, I think I'll tell them just to make sure.  When I asked her, she replied that she felt overcome with a feeling of gratitude that day.  I must admit, I have been enjoying that feeling as well.


A few other items that would make it into my gratitude journal?


I'm very grateful for my good health.  I'm even more grateful that those I love continue to be healthy and I know how precious this is.


I'm also very grateful that I can work at what I love to do.  My work is incredibly rewarding and I am continually growing and learning. That must be the secret of life.  So there you have it!


If I'm counting my blessings publicly, which appears to be the case, I'm also very thankful that after a few very intense years of some amount of negativity and stress, I've made some changes and have an outstanding work-home balance.


Last year this little gem was unearthed from my parents' archives.  

As you can see, even at the young age of eight I was an appreciative soul.  And I think it's also clear I did not inherit my artistic mother's talents! I'll also leave the question of the frowning boyfriend up to the psychologists out there!

So,  I would really like to know... what are YOU thankful for? 




P.S.  I know that this may have limited audience appeal, but this is what we grew up with, our Thanksgiving story.  Thank you Stan Freberg, 1961.  Enjoy.
Stan Freberg's Thanksgiving Story

Highs and Lows

I made the team!
I got grounded.
I got my permit!
Our soccer team finally lost.


In most of the classes I teach, I start with a check-in with my students. I call it Highs and Lows.


"What was your high point and low point  since I saw you last class?"


Seems simple right?


It's easy and it's profound.  When I explain it other educators, they either find someone else in the room to talk to, or they have an "ah hah" moment.


Highs and Lows.  We go around the room, and each of us shares our high and low point of the week.  That's it.


But first we have to learn how to speak to one another.  Class one:  Shmirat HaLashon...Quite literally: Guarding your Tongue.  No gossip, no mentioning of anyone's names, no bad language.  
And we have to learn how to listen to one another.  No judgement.  No rolling of the eyes.  No exaggerated sighing.  This is quite a challenge for the middle school and high school students I teach.  Not always a piece of kugel for the adults I work with either!


The first few weeks we share very easy, close to the surface highs and lows.  


I got an A on at test!
Our trip to Philly was cancelled.
I got a new phone.
My sister borrowed my new shoes and ruined them.
My socks don't match.
My crush finally said hi to me!


Class starts on time. Once you've been in the class for a while, you want to get there on time because you don't want to miss Highs and Lows.  You don't want to miss your turn, and you don't want to miss hearing everyone else's H&L's.  There's a sense of belonging and being part of something special that is initiated with the Highs and Lows.  When I feel that my lesson for the week is too full, and I occasionally try to do without our weekly check-in, the kids call me out on that.  They've been thinking about their Low since the car accident, or their High since the College acceptance letter arrived the day after our last class met!


This works nicely at meetings too.  I usually set the tone by modelling for the group.  Will I share something deep, or keep it light?  Will I open with a nifty piece of text from this week's parsha, or show off yet another picture of my kids?


It's November now, and we are becoming a community.  Our class is our safe place.  I can now use the Highs and Lows to take the pulse of the class, it's an instant barometer.


My dog died.  I know it's not like a person or anything, but I can't stop crying.
I got the lead in a play. I can't really brag at school because my best friend didn't even make the chorus, but I can tell you guys.  I'M SO PSYCHED!
My grandma has Alzheimers.  I'm scared to go visit her because I keep thinking each time I go is the time she'll forget my name.
My parents said I could get a smart phone if I keep my grades up one more marking period!  I thought that bribing for grades was considered bad parenting, but I'm not going to tell them!


This week I actually set aside my lesson plan and spent the class discussing Bikur Holim, the mitzvah of visiting the sick, when three of the students shared that their "Lows" were that people close to them were ill or had recent surgery.  (I also ask their permission to take information that I learn from H & L's to the Rabbi, Cantor, or Educator if that is appropriate, and invite them to share newsworthy items in the Temple bulletin as well.)


So, I'll leave you with this...my favorite High and Low of the week... maybe the year.  From an eighth grader in New Rochelle, NY.


Okay, so, my low... well, I got a C on a math test that I thought I'd do really well on.  
Class responds appropriately.
But my High... he pauses for dramatic effect, and reaches into his backpack...is that I got this LASER POINTER!  Look at this!  He shines a beam of green light around the classroom to oohs and ahs...Oh, wait a sec, no, my high is that it was my Bar Mitzvah on Saturday and my second high is that I got this laser pointer.  


What was your high and low of the week?

Let There be Songs to Fill the Air

This is not a posting about Jewish education or parenting or the weather or New Jersey.  It's about the music that gets me through all of the above.


The good old Grateful Dead are coming back to town in less than a week.  I mean, not exactly, the Grateful Dead, it's Furthur, as they are called in this incarnation.*  This concert will be at Madison Square Garden and I'm both anticipating and a little nervous about it.

On the one hand, we've been waiting for this concert for months.  Since July, the last time we saw them.  Though I have not exactly  written about this passion of mine, I've alluded to it and these concerts are among the highlights of my year.  Of course, MSG is known as an historical place to see a concert.  The buzz outside is very exciting and they get the biggest names.  But since Jerry Garcia (of blessed memory) died in 1995, the band in its many forms has taken the stage in much smaller venues and we fans have had the good fortune to see our boys up close and with great sound.  It's not a trade-off anyone would have chosen, but it's the one we got.  So the cavernous Garden is not my first choice.  But it's where they are playing, so it's where we'll go.

Jerry Garcia z''l
Storyteller makes no choice, soon you will not hear his voice.

How did it get to this?  How did I, an established Jewish educator, a mother of three with a responsible job, actually several jobs... get to a place where I'll drop everything when the Dead come to town?  Is it enough to say "they're a band beyond description?"  (We do that, you know.  We quote the Dead lyrics and unless you know we're doing it, we get away with it all the time!  I've snuck lyrics into my bulletin articles, my divrei Torah, and they've already been the titles of a few of my blog posts.  Yup.  That's what we do.)  Is it enough to tell you and other non-heads that this is what keeps us going?  It's the giant dose of adrenaline that we get two or three times a year that charges us up, and fills us with peaceful energy.

How they looked in the early 80's

Of course, it's about the music.  I guess the best I can tell someone who asks me what I find so compelling about it is that it takes me to another place.  Maybe the way jazz does for some, or classical music does for others.  Or prayer for others.  I have heard people describe praying in a Carlebach-style service with similar adjectives to the way I feel at a concert.  Uplifting and awakening. It helps that there are thousands of hours of CDs and tapes (and yes, records) available to play in between the long breaks between concerts.  But I guess the greatest thing is that each concert will be a completely new experience with unexpected gifts and surprises.  This new formation of the band, now two years old, has really started to gel, and each time they play they are stronger, more cohesive and their jams are more exciting.  I know that they plan their set lists in advance, but they are full of surprises that keep a smile on my face from start to finish.

Empire State building, decked out in tie-dye colors, the
last time Furthur played the Garden.  Cool.

As the concert date gets closer I'm getting those calls, emails and Facebook messages from friends and family.  This is part of the fun.  
"Are you going?" "What section?" "Want to meet for a drink before  the show?" "Have you heard if they're bringing out any new tunes this tour?" "Got any extras?"
In case any of you are reading this and haven't asked me yet, my answers to those questions are:

• Yes
• 104
• Of course
• They played "Golden Slumbers" by the Beatles in Amherst last night.
• Maybe

How they look now.
That's Phil Lesh and Bob Weir in the front.

I'm not sure what else I can tell you about this experience that has kept me coming back for more since 1978.  I only know that Bill Graham captured it when he said "They're not the best at what they do, they're the only ones who do what they do!" 

And if you're going too, let me know.  We can meet for a drink before the show!

*Why Furthur?  I'll tell you sometime, but if you want to know now, and you have the time, go ahead and read "The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test" by Tom Wolfe, written about Ken Kesey and the Merry Pranksters.  I think this might shed some light on a lot of things, actually, including a few songs, historical characters and artwork in my house. 

Me, at a show, last summer.
Waiting for the music to start.