Let Me Not Sit Idly By....

We all saw it.  That photo of a little girl with the tear-stained face.  

Then the tweets.  The blame game.   The executive order.  The ranting and raving and the terrible scenes on the 6:30 news.

For many, this appeared to be the tipping point.  You just don't take babies from the arms of their parents to prove a political point. It was and is disgraceful.  

But while we are busy working on a solution, I realized that I couldn't just sit and do nothing (besides kvetch, which wasn't really helping).

As the stories came in about these kids, the mistreatment, the diseases, the sexual abuse, the audiotapes and the photos.  The real stories told in parking lots and grassy fields by the American social workers who have been trying to help these families. I could not move.  I felt as though I was weighed down.  Nightmares of crying kids, the inescapable vision of tear-stained faces, sad eyes, cages. 

One day while watching the news, I saw a very quick item that I found quite shocking: many - hundreds - of the children were moved from the squalor of the detention centers at the border to 17 states around the country.  And in the flash of a second a graphic popped up and I saw that New York and New Jersey were two of those states.

I guess Mayor DiBlasio was watching the same news, because as I was driving to work the next day, I heard on the radio that there was a media circus at a children's shelter in Harlem.  

I did what I have done before: I called my Senators and my Representative. I left messages.  Then I wrote them letters. (I have attached it below because it was a pretty good letter, if I do say so.)  Only one of my elected officials wrote back, but I will say that I did see videos of all of them on the Senate and House floor, speaking strongly against separating families, so I am happy to say that they were doing their jobs.

And then I decided to do more.  I "went to the Google."  Through the course of about an hour, I found where I thought the children might be and made a few calls.  After striking out a few times, I called one place and I had a feeling I found the right place, though they didn't confirm it. I left my name and number and town, and was told I'd get a call back.  I didn't for about a day and a half.  

I was torn between despondency and hope.  (Were they just giving me a line, or maybe doing a little background check?)
Finally I got a call from the coordinator of Public Relations of the Center for Family Services.  
Yes, they have about 28 children in the Juntos Program, 20 teen boys and girls and 4 teen moms.
Kids stay for about 30 days while staff work toward family reunification.
Yes, they desperately need some things- she'd send me the list.  
They have been housing kids crossing the southern border since 2017.
Some girls were teen mothers when they arrived, and both moms and babies need our help.
They would desperately like to find short term shelter homes in South Jersey for the younger children, and aside from other stringent guidelines, the families must be bilingual (Spanish).

I was overwhelmed at the end of our call. Relieved that I could do something, worried I couldn't do enough. Frustrated I couldn't start immediately!  (I was driving at the time.)

So that brings us to now. 

I have the time, and I have the energy.  I now need the community to stop kvetching too and be my partner.   Pick up an extra educational toy when shopping for a birthday party, or an extra pack of twin sheets when college shopping for your soon to be Sophomore.  Grab a gift card at your local CVS or Target and pop it in the mail to me.  I have already enlisted my mom to drive the 3 or so hours (not really sure) to wherever they tell me to go.  

When this is over, this ugly chapter in our history, will you look back and say "I helped?" or will you say, "I posted a lot on Facebook?"   

Here's the info.

NEW ITEMS ONLY PLEASE: 

• Overnight bags & totes
• Teen clothing
• Hoodies
• Pajamas
• Winter coats
• Socks
• Underwear
• Toiletries
• Twin Bedding
• Towels
• Books
• Educational Toys
• Gift Cards: Target, Walmart, Amazon, Old Navy, CVS, etc.
• Items for moms/babies
• Diapers, wipes, formula
• Newborn & baby necessities
• Care packages for teen moms

Here's MY info: Juliet.Barr18@gmail.com - I'm not posting my address here for security reasons, but if you get in touch we will make this happen. 

Here are four organizations that are doing great things and you can donate directly to them.  

Kids In Need Of Defense (KIND)
Supportkind.org
American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU)
Aclu.org
Refugee and Immigrant Center for Education and Legal Services (RAICES)
Raicestexas.org
Services, Immigration Rights & Education Network (SIREN)
Siren-bayarea.org


Sample letter sent to elected official:

DateName
 Dear ___My name is Juliet Barr.  As a registered Democrat, a voter, and most importantly as a human being with a conscience I am writing to you because I am horrified by what is going on at our borders.  Children being taken away from their parents, and people being held in cages like animals.  If what we are seeing on the 6:30 news is what we are allowed to see, I shudder to think how terrible the reality is, how filthy the conditions and how wretched the children must be.
 The whole scene is all too reminiscent of the rise of Nazism, with children torn from their parents’ arms, families forced into concentration camps, and people simply “following orders” from a law that no one seems to be questioning.
 Is this the same country that was created by immigrants? The very immigrants who arrived – many reading the words at that iconic statue’s feet, “Give me your tired, your poor your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free…”  To take back a phrase which now has a bitter taste, what has truly made America great is the fact that we are a nation of immigrants, a melting pot, and we have always been proud of that.   Suddenly, now, we seem to have no room for families who want to escape persecution and injustice?  I don’t buy it and I know that most of the people you represent don’t either.  It’s racist and xenophobic, at the very least.  I would also add immoral and unjust.
 I hope that you are disgusted as well, and I implore you not to sit idly by as innocents are treated like criminals, and our misguided system systematically begins scarring people for the rest of their lives.  Please take a stand, and let us, your constituents, know what we can do as well. Now is the time to act.
 Thank you in advance for your leadership, Juliet BarrRamsey, NJ 

July 20 - It has been nearly a month since I posted this blog originally.  I have attended one rally, posted and reposted, and received about a dozen emails from concerned people.  A local synagogue collected three huge boxes of items, and the kind folks at a local Jazz Club hosted me one night to collect even more items and cash, which I used to buy playground items on Amazon for the Shelter.  

Thank you to Beth Haverim Shir Shalom and Maureen's Jazz Cellar for promoting this cause and helping young people you don't know, who will never be able to say thank you!  (FYI - According to Maimonides - this is a very high level of giving- so in lieu of a thank you note, you've got that going for you, which is nice.)

In about ten days, I plan to bring what I have to office address.  It's about two hours south of where I live.  Stay tuned for the obligatory full-trunk photo!  

If you still want to donate, there's still time and there are still children in need.  Please email me, message me on FaceBook or reply to this blog.  

If not now, when?

Strangers Stopping Strangers

For most people, it was a typical Wednesday night commute.  Not for me, since I don't live or work in New York City.  I was on the train, heading in to go to a concert, to see my favorite bass player*, Phil Lesh, in  a concert in Central Park.  So while most people were just thinking about getting home, I was excited to meet my brother and friends for a fun night under the stars, listening to my favorite music.  I knew the band Phil (we all call him Phil, with love and reverence) had put together would be stellar, and historically, New York City seemed to bring the best out of him.

The ride from my town to Secaucus was uneventful.  I texted with the people I was going to meet, and did a crossword puzzle.  At Secaucus I had to change trains for New York's Penn Station.  This is a 16 minute trip that delivers you right underneath Madison Square Garden.  It's the best if your concert is right there, but still pretty handy to get anywhere else, because it's a subway hub.  (Not that I have the slightest idea which subway lines go where, but luckily, my brother does.)

It was on that 16-minute ride that something somewhat extraordinary happened.

I found a seat right away, and gave the guy already sitting in the other seat the "mind if I sit here?" look.  He moved his stuff away, but apparently he did mind. He was wearing khakis, and a short-sleeve plaid shirt, and now put his brief case on his lap to make room for me.  He gave me a sort of put-off quasi-disgusted look, as if I just ruined his day.  (Yes, I had showered that day, and NO I was not wearing patchouli oil.) I sat down, putting my bag with the concert supplies on the floor, and my pocketbook on my lap.  He took his phone out and was furiously texting or emailing. 

As the train started to go, we sat like that, in silence, ignoring each other. I was lost in thought.  He was typing away on his phone.  

About 6 minutes into the ride the door between the cars opened, and a man came stumbling into our car. He seemed to be an older guy, pants drooping down, three or four shirts sloppily layered on, with a torn jacket over all of them. As I was on the aisle, I could smell him as he walked by, an unpleasant smell of urine and something else... beer maybe?  His hand was out, and I remember his hands most of all. Gnarled knuckles, and fingernails that were too long.  They looked like old man's hands. I saw two different sleeves, frayed and torn. 

And he was shouting this up and down our car,  "I need two-fifty for the 3 train uptown. I need two-fifty for the 3 train uptown. Who's gonna give me my two-fifty for the 3 train uptown?"

Everyone looked down.  Or out the window.  Or at their iPhones, which don't work under the Hudson River. But I didn't look away. I looked at this guy.  Wandering on a train asking for $2.50. 

And I did what I always do.

I took out my wallet.  And if the story ended there, I would not be writing about it.

But as I was getting money out for this man in need, Mr. Plaid Shirt was taking out his wallet, and saying to me, "I'll split the difference with you."  

I just looked at him, and started to smile.  

He continued, "If you will give it to him."

I took the dollar from Mr. Plaid Shirt and took a dollar from my wallet, and stood up and yelled, "Excuse me, sir?" and the man stumbled back to where we were sitting and took the money.  He had almost left the car when he remembered to mumble, "Gah bleh you" before the door slammed shut.

Plaidman was a different person now. He smiled at me and said, "I was making all kinds of excuses in my head about why I couldn't give him the money.  I can't reach my wallet.  We're almost at Penn Station. What if it's not safe to give it him?  What if he just spends it on drugs?  Then I saw how easy it was for you to do it and I realized I could do it too. Thank you."

"Yea," I said, "It's not up to us to decide what he might spend it on, it's sad enough he's at the point where he needs to beg. I give it to him and remember to be grateful that I can."

My new friend smiled and admitted that he always wants to give, but he just walks past "those people."

Remembering the countless stories I'd heard from people who had found themselves homeless, I said, "If, God forbid, I am ever down and out, I hope my acts of kindness will come back to me.  Maybe your act today will start a chain of good deeds."

"I was thinking that maybe by helping that guy, I just prevented something really bad from happening to me," he replies.

"Oh, I never thought of that.  So if you go and have a fantastic day, you'll know you got your reward?"

"Something like that!" he says, and he is smiling now.

"I picture you walking around the city, just barely missing pianos and anvils falling on your head!  You could write a children's book about that!" I say, now really enjoying the idea of doing a mitzvah and protecting yourself from harm.

"I think that's for other people to do."

We are almost at Penn Station.  We are both standing up near the door.  I wonder if he will be empowered to give to the next person in need.  He is certainly a different person than the one I sat next to 14 1/2 minutes ago.

We say good-bye.  He goes off to his life, protected, I hope by his act of kindness.  I go off to mine, already in progress.

As a reward for my act of kindness, Phil plays a song just for me.  I hold it close as the music and words pour into my soul and fill me with joy. 

And for a little while, all is right with the world.

Photo credit: Jack Baribault

Pictured: Jack, Peter White, me, and my brother Geoffrey's back. I forget why we are showing the number one. Maybe someone can enlighten me. 



*Phil Lesh is my favorite bass player, except for my cousin, Rick Cantor.

I'm Dreaming of a Green Hanukkah

This is my article from the Rockland Jewish Federation Reporter December Issue.  Thought it would make a good blog posting as well.  Enjoy.

I’m “rededicating” myself to Hanukkah.

Get it?

As far as Jewish holidays go, Hanukkah is aminor one.  It pales in comparison toRosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur, Sukkot and Simchat Torah.  But still, it’s here in December when thedays are short and cold.  It celebratesmiracles and light.  There are gifts andgelt.  And latkes.  Not a bad list for a minor holiday! 

The days of being volunteered by my kids tobe the class “latke mom” are behind me. I am no longer in a position to buy 300 bags of nut-free gelt to feed anentire Hebrew school.  By the time theholiday arrives, chances are I won’t have told the story or recited theblessings over a dozen times. 

Hanukkah, which means “dedication”remembers the rededication of the Holy Temple by the Maccabees .  So, I am rededicating myself to Hanukkah thisyear.  I am looking for ways to find newmeaning in the holiday, while not losing the aspects I love about it.  By a small coincidence, I’ve come up witheight.

1.      Fair Trade Gelt:   The truth is, I don’t even likechocolate.  But my family does.  So this year, I am getting guilt-freegelt.  After just a little bit ofresearch, I found two great options, and there are probably more.  Equal Exchange (www.equalexchange.coop) sells what they call “non traditionalHanukkah pieces.”  A bag of little darkchocolate pieces, saving the hassle of the gold foil wrappers from getting allover the place.  And they donate $.15from each sale to the American Jewish World Service (www.AJWS.com). If you feel like you are not ready togive up the good old gelt shape just yet, there’s Divine Chocolate (www.divinechocolateusa.com). They have a bag of gold coins that you can feel good about giving.  Both products have Kosher certifications.

2.    Home-made candles: I can’t remember thelast time I took the time to make beeswax candles with my kids.  This is a fun and easy project that makes thefestival of lights more meaningful. Buying the beeswax and rolling your own candles is a nice way to connectto the holiday, and even little hands can do it.  Homemade candles also make a nice gift if youare invited to share a night of Hanukkah with friends or family.  You can buy a kit that will make enoughcandles to last all eight nights from Kosher Krafts (1-800-9KRAFTS or www.kosherkrafts.com) or other craft supply stores. 

3.    Use less wrapping paper:  I won’t pretend that I don’t appreciate anicely wrapped gift, but let’s face it… gift wrap is a waste of paper.  If you are not ready to eschew the use ofgift wrap altogether, why not pick one night where you don’t wrap thegifts?  Or use the Sunday comics to wrapyour gifts?  At the very least, recyclegift wrap and reuse!  Your family won’tmind.   This year I am going to trywrapping gifts in scraps of cloth and use ribbons to close them.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

4.    Donate a gift:  Pick one night and have that be a night thatyour family shops to donate a gift to a toy drive.  Teach your children valuable lessons aboutG’milut Hasadim (Acts of Loving Kindness) by doing them!

5.    Teach: I mentioned earlier that this year, I may not have taught the story ofHanukkah dozens of times by the time the holiday arrives.  But that doesn’t mean I should not teach itat all.  As a parent, don’t leave all theJewish education up to the synagogue! Teach your children and learn with them. Tell them about the Maccabees, read a good book to them or tell how youcelebrated when you were their age.  Orfind a new way to explore the holiday!

6.    Tzedakah night:  On one of the nights of Hanukkah, when youare lucky enough to have your whole family together, I might suggest Friday, have an agenda.  Set a tzedakah box in the middle of the table.  and introduce a family tzedakah project forthe year.  Take suggestions.  What is meaningful to all of you?  Did you know that Heifer International(www.heifer.org) works to end hunger and poverty on family at a time?  Or that the Jewish National Fund (www.JNF.org) not only plants trees in Israel, butprovides clean drinking water for Israelis, not to mention the safe playgroundin S’derot.  And, I can’t help butmention our own Federation right here in Rockland County (www.jewishrockland.org) where your dollars go to educational, social,and supportive programs here and in Israel. Once your family decides on a cause, every Friday each person can put adonation into the tzedakah box before Shabbat. See how  much you can accumulatebefore next Hannukah and make a nice donation from your family at that time.

7.    Share: I think about sharing Hanukkah in two distinct ways.  Share the holiday with friends, both Jewishand non-Jewish.  Try someone else’s latkes,even though you know yours are better.   Invitea family with young children if your own are long grown and moved out… or adopta grandparent if you are missing yours. Most synagogues are great resources for helping make theseconnections. 

8.    And Share again: The other way to sharethis holiday is to share what you have with others in a more anonymousway.  Donate your coats and warm clothingto those who need them.  Tell yourchildren to find 5 books or toys to bring to the shelter.  Help the food pantries keep their shelvesstocked.  Other faiths are celebrating aholiday that is, in fact, a very big deal, and people of all faiths are stillfeeling the burden brought on by our recent financial recession.  If you are in a position to help others,there are countless ways to do so.

So, there you have it, my eight ways torededicate for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah this year.  No matter what you celebrate, it's time to thing about celebrating more consciously and with a conscience.    If you have any more ideas, I’d love to hear from you.

Livin' on a Prayer

Dear Jon Bon Jovi,
   I owe you a major apology.  In an earlier posting, I was somewhat dismissive of you, and now I learn that you are a real mentsch.  Apparently you have had a charitable foundation for quite some time and have just opened a restaurant that allows people to pay what they can afford for their meal.  If they are facing hard times, they can pay back by volunteering instead.  The more I am learning about your restaurant, the more I am inspired.  
   Now, I could just sheepishly remove my earlier comments from my blog and no one would be the wiser... but instead, I'll be a mentsh too and say that New Jersey is proud to have you as our own.
  
   I hope you accept my apology,


    Juliet 


   To the rest of you... if you want learn more about the Soul Kitchen, click here.  Or, to find out about his charitable organization, click here.  And hey, if you want to buy his music, so that he keeps making money so he can continue to do these mitzvot ... great acts of loving kindness... go to amazon.com or itunes and keep the man making a profit.