Superbowl or Super-mistake?

Dear Football Fans,
  I don't watch a lot of tv, and I don't watch any football. So, it's really ironic that I'm writing a blog about the Superbowl.  But I am going to to help you all out today and save you from spending a LOT of money that could be better spent pretty much anywhere else.
  I have seen a few commercials and print ads, and I need to dispel this massive untruth right away. If you choke up the big bucks for your Superbowl tickets and think you are coming to New York, you are NOT.  You are coming to New Jersey.  
   Yes. That's right.  The Meadowlands Sports Complex is in East Rutherford, New Jersey.  Not that I've ever seen a sport played there, but I've seen countless concerts in that big bowl of echo-y sound and I know that they play football there too, even, as ludicrous as this may sound, in the winter.

And WHEN did it become METLIFE stadium?

   I don't know why New Jersey is getting the Superbowl. 
   Maybe we need the attention.  We barely ever make the national news.
   If you have to fly here, well, good luck dealing with our airports.  If you thought you were going to New York and you booked your flight to Kennedy or LaGuardia, you won't make it to the game anyway because of traffic.  If you fly into Newark, I will apologize right now for the downright surly manner in which you will be treated upon landing... 
"Excuse me, where do I get my luggage?" 
 "What do I fucking look like? Google maps? Look at the signs."

Traffic getting in and out of the stadium will be horrible.  It's not like they've had years of practice.  And I just checked, game time is 6:30, so it will be getting dark then too.  Perfect.

Oh, yea, good luck finding your car after the game.  "Fuggedaboutit."

  There are only one or two hotels near there, so you will probably have to drive a way on one of our congested highways. But don't think about taking in the sights, because the funny thing about East Rutherford is that there is exactly nothing else to do around there.  
  If you like fast food, you're all set, so that's a plus.  We have every type on both sides of Route 17 North and South of the Stadium, and a dozen CVS and Walgreens' stores to buy antacid after eating all that fast food. The last time I drove past, there were about 4 Starbucks', at least one with a drive-through, which will be handy since you'll probably have rotten weather.



   Okay, there is ONE good restaurant.  My family and I like to go there, and I really should get a slice of the total my blog brings them.  Check out Park and Orchard,  in East Rutherford, for a casual, but delicious dinner.  Buddy's Pasta is my all time favorite dish there.  And you can go swimming in their martinis.
   There's really nothing else to do near the Meadowlands except for one topless bar, and rows of discount tire stores, strip malls and gas stations.  Half of which will be closed because of the Blue Laws still in effect in our county on Sundays.
    So, for goodness sake, STAY HOME.  Stay in the nice pleasant place you already live, with warm weather and friendly people. Watch the game on television with your nachos and hummus and beer.

So, who did Sabra have to muscle out for this dubious distinction?  

   Don't give NJ the money, we will just spend it foolishly, on Xanadu, or bright red traffic cones.  You can use that money for your kids' college tuition, or saving the whales or adding on to your home.  Or send it to me, and I'll use it (for my kid's college tuition, or saving the whales or adding on to MY home!).  
  But if you're really set on coming, at least you can know that you're staying in New Jersey and not New York, so you don't have to worry about the bridge traffic.  And I have three empty bedrooms I'd be willing to rent out for the weekend for a very good price.  

Hey buddy, we got your snow removal right here.

I found this on Instagram... this is pretty much how I feel about the whole thing...

I just found this on twitter... Hilarious..

Someday We'll Look Back on This and it Will All Seem Funny

I live in New Jersey.  I was born here.  I spent a good couple of years putting it down and waiting to get out.  And many more years calling it home again. 


So what's up with New Jersey?


Thanks to TV, the rest of the United States, (and probably a good part of the television viewing world) thinks that we speak with some kind of less-than-articulate accent, that we have big hair, and crave the material things in life.  I've never even watched two of those popular New Jersey shows, but I know the stereotype.  Ironically enough, when my family and I were at the Jersey shore two summers ago, we saw the iconic stars of that famous shore show.  But I think somehow I better not post their pictures in my blog.  


New Jersey used to feel like a an annex to New York.  When I was growing up, I didn't get that NJ had its own shtick.  All we had then was Bruce Springsteen, and we had so much of him, I lost interest.  (I know, that is blasphemy, and I've come around to appreciate him a bit more.)  


I've lived in Boston, North Carolina, Portland Oregon and San Francisco.  I even lived in Israel for part of my Junior year in college.  All of these places had their own personality.  They were all great places to live.  But I was always a visitor.  New Jersey was my home.  My parents were here, and for much of their lives, so were my grandparents. As much as I might like to put this state down, this happened to be my state.


What's up with New Jersey?  Here's what works for me...

This is a dolphin swimming by.  Really.

1. Great Beaches.  Okay, my favorite is and always has been Seaside.  With the honky tonk of the boardwalk of Seaside Heights and the spectacular waves, beaches and (usually) clean ocean of Seaside Park... this is where my family has gone for years.  Everyone has their favorite spot on the Jersey Shore. This year, we saw dolphins swim right past us.  And I have still never had better pizza  than that on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights.  (Not even in Italy.)
2. Great Schools.   I know that NJ cares about education... and although not every single town has outstanding schools, this was definitely a plus when we decided to move back here from San Francisco.
3. Proximity to New York.  Yup.  Like most people I know, my husband and I don't go into NY nearly as often as one would think, and don't take advantage of nearly enough of the cultural options.  But we COULD if we wanted to!  Mostly we go to NY for rock concerts and work related things.  And then we complain about the traffic.  But, it's still there when we want it!
4. Distance from New York.  And here's the perfection of where we live.  In our idyllic little town in Bergen County, you can almost pretend you are back in a simpler time.  Neighbors know one another and stop to chat.  Our worst traffic nightmare here is when school lets out and the crossing guard holds up the cars to let the kids cross. 
5. Happy Kids.   As much as I wanted to get out, my kids seem to have been very happy growing up here.  They loved this little town, and the freedom it afforded them to go out on their own as they got older.  They loved the shore too, and being very close to their NJ grandparents. (Their other grandparents are in Maine, and this was always a very easy drive we made 3 times a year.)
6. Prices.  This is not worth moving here, but our gas prices are lower than the surrounding states, and you never have to pump it yourself.  Also, no tax on clothing.
7. Cory Booker.   Mayor of Newark.  Maybe Governor of NJ someday.  I just wanted to mention him because I think he's all that. 
8. Tomatoes and Corn.  The best when they are in season.  Peaches too.

A few things that could be better?

1. We could do better with our environmental policies and regulations.  In my perfect little town we cannot drink the water because of high levels of arsenic.  Hmm.  
2. The Blue Laws.  Yes, we still have them.  No shopping in Bergen County on Sunday.  Don't get me started.
3. Same Sex Marriage... not here, not yet.  A same sex couple can get married in Iowa, but not in NJ?  WHAT?   DC,  New York, Massachusetts... come on now NJ, it's our turn.

Am I missing anything? 

Yes, Jon Bon Jovi.  Sorry.  I simply have nothing to say about him.  Except this.  Why does he pretend to be a cowboy?