Thursday Was Definitely Not Pasta Day

Well, Guido Barilla most got his fifteen minutes of fame, and his anti-gay comments went globally viral.  No one is shocked that people still have anti-gay sentiments, but I think we are all a little amazed when people, corporate owners with a LOT at stake, announce them to the world!  I'll quote him here directly so I don't leave anything out... and also because he managed to put down the role of women, and take a swipe at same-sex couples' adoption...

"I would never do [a commercial] with a homosexual couple, not for lack of respect but because we don't agree with them," said Guido Barilla, according to a Reuters translation. "Ours is a classic family where the woman plays a fundamental role. … If [gays] don't like it, they can go eat another brand."

Just to drive his point home, Barilla added, "I have no respect for adoption by gay families because this concerns a person who is not able to choose," according to a translation from the U.K. Independent."Everyone has a the right to do what they want without disturbing those around them."

 http://www.advocate.com/politics/2013/09/26/barilla-gays-eat-someone-elses-pasta

Wow.  Bad enough he still thinks that way.  Please, don't try to explain to me that Italy is a "macho country" and they need a few more years to catch up, or that one person doesn't represent the entire company.  He does when his name happens to be Barilla.

 Here's what I posted on the company Facebook page... 

Good news. A "traditional" family now can have two dads or two moms, or a single parent, or be a multi-generational household, or a blended family or an adopted family... We all make new traditions in every generation and I think for many of us, Barilla products will not be part of our vast, colorful, diverse celebration of the human experience. You really blew it, Guido

I didn't really expect an answer.  But a little while later, this apology appears on the Barilla Facebook Page.  

At Barilla, we consider it our mission to treat our consumers and partners as our neighbors – with love and respect – and to deliver the very best products possible. We take this responsibility seriously and consider it a core part of who we are as a family-owned company. While we can’t undo recent remarks, we can apologize. To all of our friends, family, employees, and partners that we have hurt or offended, we are deeply sorry.*

 https://www.facebook.com/BarillaUS

Hey, my post (well, okay, and the thousands of others on Facebook in several languages, and on Twitter as well, hashtags: #boycottbarilla or #boicottbarilla) really got to him.
Or them. 
That looks like a nice apology.
And words are important, but so are actions.  I'm absolutely sure they ARE deeply sorry.  So let's see if they are sorry because one man spoke about how he felt and didn't represent the company, or they are sorry they are going to lose a lot of money and respect worldwide.  

In Judaism, we understand that true repentance, teshuvah, is making a different choice, when faced with the same set of circumstances the next time.  So I guess we will wait for the next ad campaign.

When their Facebook page looks like this

And doesn't make us think of this

Then we can stop boycotting this brand, and show that we appreciate a company who admits their mistakes, as egregious as they may be, and knows how to grow up. 

Peace, love and equality for ALL!

Juliet



*To which I responded: 
Words are good, and important. Your actions in the next few days will be even more important. The damage done by Guido Barilla was devastating and the ripples go far beyond the LGBT community. The world is watching. Do the right thing.

By the way, I did have some Barilla Pasta in my pantry.  I'm not a food waster, so I collected the few boxes and donated it to a food drive. I won't buy any more, but I will also not throw food in the garbage.

Happy New Year

To paraphrase the Beatles just a little, there's nothing I can say here that hasn't already been said...
First of all

Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving has come and gone.  This year, the Pilgrim-tinis were pretty much a glass of vodka with a cranberry waved over the top of it.  And yes, we all did shots right before dinner again.  Flu shots, for those of you who've been playing along at home.

We are still in the aftermath of a hurricane that knocked our legs out from under us.  When I sat down to write about it, I was not even sure what part to focus on.

The destruction in my town?  The destruction beyond belief of the Jersey shore? The recovery efforts? How we sat in the darkness and the cold and the complete absence of communication for days?  As is my way, I am quick to notice the spots of good, love, grace and joy, going on in the everyday.

The hurricane came to the NY/NJ area slowly, so we had about 2 1/2 days to prepare.  If you have read my earlier blogs Wake of the Flood, Someday ..., Sometime a Great Notion, and others, we have had our share of disasters.  We have had trees fall our our house (that's when I started writing this blog), and in our yard, and in our lake!  We got through Hurricane? Superstorm? Sandy fairly unscathed and then helped our family, our neighbors and  now will continue to help fellow New Jersey and New York residents who did not manage as well.  My first New Year's Resolution?  I won't forget about those people who lost everything in the storm.  I'll keep donating money and my time and my blog words and my voice so that they can rebuild their homes.  And while I'm at it... I'll resolve not to forget about the folks who are still shaking their fists at the sky or at God and will never name their daughters Katrina.  I saw that Holy Name Hospital, here in Bergen County, NJ, is donating money and time to Haiti, and I made a promise to myself not to forget them either... let's not let one natural disaster allow us to forget that others are still in great need from the previous hurricanes, tornadoes, tsunamis, and so on.  Resolution number two:  I'm not going to "give it a rest" when it comes to talking about climate change.  This has to be our number one issue...

even though...

Just a few days after the tremendous concert for hurricane relief, cleverly called 12/12/12, a young man in Connecticut raided his mother's gun cabinet and tore into an elementary school.  It was the middle of Hanukkah, and just before Christmas, and the entire nation cried for 20 children and the 6 teachers who tried to save them.  I spoke my piece (Get Rid of the Guns Now) in a quickly written blog post... but the pain still lingers, and I plan to teach my students the importance of gun control legislation when we return to our classes. (Do you readers know about the Gun Show Loophole? It's outrageous.)  My next New Year's Resolution:  Be a a more vocal advocate for gun control policies and educate our children who will become voters on these issues.

Clean slate, new calendars, fresh start.  Do we have to wait for January 1 to do something?  Of course not.  But if you need that kick in the tuchus to remind you, well, here it is.  My daughter and I were discussing how random January 1 is.  As Jews we have two New Years' and we really place more of our spiritual and emotional oomph on the one in September (or October...okay very rarely August).  But there's nothing wrong with a little secular soul searching.

Okay, I'll get off my heavy high horse for a second.
My doctor told me I had high cholesterol.
(Stay with me here.)
I was shocked.
He said I needed to go on a strong dose of Crestor... (a medication for high cholesterol) immediately.
I asked if I could please try to correct this with diet and exercise.
He said yes, absolutely, that's a must, and also start taking Crestor right away.
So, I joined a gym.
(This is not so much of a "New Year's Resolution" as a "Do-this-or-be-a-person-at-high-risk-of-having-a-heart-incident," but still, I'm pleased with the gym membership and the dedication to less red meat and more fish and olive oil.)
And my husband and I both have high cholesterol now, so it can be a couples thing. We both got the Nike Fuel Bands and have a friendly competition about how many Fuel Points we've earned in a day.  Of course sitting here writing my blog earns about ... oh, let's see, ZERO, so my writing* may go down while my cholesterol goes down as well.

We also incorporated a "No meat Tuesday" policy.  Easy, right?  My husband has a fantastic cafeteria where he works.  Made-to-order omelets, gourmet pizza, veggie wraps, what could be easier?  On Tuesdays, I work at home til about 3, and my dinner is pizza or pasta at the synagogue where I teach. Not gourmet, actually not even good, ACTUALLY does not even provide enough protein to drive home... but meat-free, yes.   On our first Tuesday, I texted him to remind him.  He texted me back to say, "Too late.  I had a pastrami sandwich for breakfast and a turkey wrap for lunch.  And for dinner we are going to a steak house for someone's birthday."   So much for meat-free Tuesdays.  Maybe his New Year's Resolution will be to try again this month.

I am feeling good about 2013.  I did not love the way 2012 ended.  On the other hand, if you think back, it wasn't all bad.   It was just this past May when President Obama did something unprecedented:  he came out as a proponent of same-sex marriage.  And in November, same-sex marriage passed in a few more states (although, Mr. Chris Christie... it was not even on the ballot in New Jersey, like you said it would be... ahem???).   Israel had a tough time as well, but it ended relatively quickly and I am thankful for that, and hopeful that it stays peaceful, even if it is a tentative peace.

So what are your New Years Resolutions?  Do you even make them?  Do you keep them?  As for me... I am going to get my work done quickly today so I can try to get to the gym... and even if I can't, I'll walk the dogs just a little bit further down my street than I normally would have. 

Here's looking a better, healthier, more caring, more inclusive 2013 for all of us!


Happy New Year!


*My writing QUANTITY, not QUALITY, I hope.

About a Blog

A blog about a blog.  It's been about a year since I started writing, and to celebrate I went back and read a few of my earlier pieces.  I resisted the urge to edit.

I recently hit 5,300 hits on my blog.

Blog.

Silly word isn't it?  It's from the combined word "web-log."

I'm frequently asked what I write about.


That's a tricky one.  (I'd like to just say... "Go read the blog!")

If  I say I write about myself I sound narcissistic.

I was told (by my kids) not to have one of those lame blogs that blathers on about my kids all the time.  So I just write about them some of the time.

Jewish Education is a big part of my life, and while I do love to write about that, I also frequently refrain, as we learn in Pirkei Avot 5:9 "wise people do not speak in the presence of those who are wiser than they are." There is always  someone out there who can more deftly interpret the Torah portion or the political climate in Israel much better than I can.

I feel compelled to write sometimes, and the words begin to jump from my fingers, the sentences start forming in my head before I can even get to the computer.  Scraps of paper or the iPhone "notes" app become a sorting station for ideas, some that never come to fruition, and some that practically write themselves.

Lately the blog posts are self-contained stories.  It feels good to get those out.  Like I can stop trying to hold on to those details now.  Some stories can never be written, not unless I start a new blog under a pseudonym.  (Those are some good stories too.)

What has surprised me about this randomly-spaced-in-time, usually cathartic blog even more than the writing, is the readers. The fact that people are reading this in the Ukraine, Russia, Venezuela, and just today, Greece, India, China, Brazil, Israel and Serbia.  Wow.  That's just mind-blowing.  Thanks to Google translator, someone a world away has just read my extremely personal and emotional cancer survival story.  I hope it gave that person some comfort.

I sometimes wonder if someone somewhere who was just really looking for a good picture of New Jersey tomatoes, or maybe just some porn, happened along this blog and I challenged their thinking, or at least gave them a smile before they moved on with their images search and found what they were really looking for.

The funny thing is that these strangers out there know the story of how I made cocktail hour for my dad, and how a tree fell on my house.  They read about my passion for Furthur and my love of my kids, and many more tidbits as well.  But my own family won't read the blog!

Dad:  "Jewel, I have no need to read how many times you walked your dogs and what you are wearing every day."
Me: "Dad, that's not what I write about in my blog."
Dad: "Jewel, that's what a blog is. It's all about fashion and shoes."
Me: "Dad, that's not what MY blog is."
Dad: "I'm not reading your blog or anyone's blog."

So, where were we?

I try very hard after I "birth" each one not to say this sentence:

"So did you read my blog yet?" 

That even sounds annoying to me. But I really love the feedback when I finally do get it, even when its anonymous.  One friend sent me a book on writing the personal narrative.   I hope he will notice my style improving!

Just yesterday, when I was at the doctor, one of his partners showed me a huge framed photo of Jerry Garcia on the wall and said, "I read your blog, it was great."  We bonded over tales of shared concerts before his next patient and my own appointment. 

Who knows what I'll write about next?  My two most hit upon entries were The Letter to Chris Christie (regarding Same Sex Marriage) and Let There Be Songs To Fill The Air (a love letter to the Grateful Dead).  I don't know why, but these keep getting hits, and search engines keep finding them.   By the way, Chris Christie wrote back to me, and the Wheel keep turning for us Deadheads, so there will be a lot more to write on both topics.  Another that gets a lot of hits was a heartfelt letter to my college roommate who died too young.  I guess a lot of people can relate to losing a friend before their time.

So, I will keep writing when I have something to say, and I thank you for reading.

It continues to be a long strange trip, I see no reason why I'd run out of adventures and ideas now.

An Open Letter to Governor Christie

This started as an open letter to the Governor, begging him to do the right thing and allow the bill to become law.  The very day I wrote it, he vetoed the marriage equality bill, so I edited my letter, changed it to an essay, and mailed it to the newspaper, as I could not keep quiet.  

This is the copy I sent to The Record, the local NJ newspaper.  So far it has not been published.  But this blog post has been viewed quite a few times.  And it looks like Maryland is about to be the next state to pass same-sex marriage.

February 18, 2012

I have been ranting on my Facebook page, and doing a lot of tweeting lately, and even though the world is going the way of the social media, due to the seriousness of this issue, an actual letter is in order.  You see, lives are at stake- lives of people we know, and countless people we don’t know.

The need to write send this letter to the paper began as I read yesterday’s Record. There were two front page headlines: New picture of defendant and Gay Marriage Backers Plan for Coming Battle.  The first refers to the tragedy of Tyler Clementi’s suicide, and the planned court date of his roommate.The second refers to The Marriage Equality bill, passed by both the New Jersey State Senate and House, which would soon be reaching Governor Christie’s desk for a signature, and the preparations being made for a potential battle which is likely to ensue if he should decline. A few hours later, as he promised, Chris Christie vetoed this bill that meant so much to so many.

He had said publicly that he planned to veto the bill and “...move on to other things that the people of New Jersey say are more important to them… (Gay marriage backers plan for strategy for coming battle, 2012).” It made me wonder if he thought to ask voters if saving the life of a young college student might be right up there with creating jobs and lowering taxes.

I’ll explain the connection.

Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers freshman, jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge, after being “outed” as gay by his roommate.  He was more than outed. He was exposed publicly, virally, on Facebook and Twitter. Because being gay is still being “The Other,” and because of the speed and scope at which this occurred, Tyler, overwhelmed, decided he would rather take his own life than face the fallout of this public “outing.”  As a result, and in the wake of this horrible tragedy, schools all across New Jersey, and the United States, have increased their efforts to stop bullying.  

As positive as this development is, there is an interesting twist. There are specific laws which support moves to stop bullying on the basis of prejudice or bias. If you make a racist comment about an ethnic group, it is considered a hate crime.  Any action taken against a religious group is likewise punishable based upon that principle.  It seems that the intention of the law is to protect against any crime against any group based upon cultural difference. Clearly, a veto of same-sex marriage now marginalizes an entire segment of our population. Our own government has just provided an excuse for the ignorant and cruel among us to continue to behave in a way that is reprehensible. Chris Christie missed an opportunity to teach a new generation that the bigotry of their parents will not be tolerated. He missed the chance to teach them the true meaning of democracy and equality. By vetoing this bill, he gave kids the go-ahead to bully and tease gay and lesbian kids.  He allowed teachers to stand idly by when they see it. Christie is saying that gay and lesbians are not equal to heterosexuals. In fact, even the children of these couples will now be subject to another generation of ostracizing and elitism rather than acceptance and understanding if we do not work together for change right now.

The state senate and legislature have voted. Polls clearly indicate that the majority of those living in New Jersey currently and strongly support Marriage Equality.  And for those who may not love the idea of a gay marriage, the wonderful thing about our country is that they never have to have one. 

I am saddened and disgusted that our governor did not hear the voices of his constituents, that he did not represent our state and his voters by doing the right thing. He had the chance to make New Jersey the seventh state to boast marriage equality.  Doing so would only have helped our state.   Hopefully the New Jersey government will be able to override his veto.  Then, like our parents, who knew that people of color were not “separate but equal,” and that women and men all have solace in the job market, in just a few years, we would be able look back at this milestone, and say that we were part of the generation who made this change.  

Juliet Barr

Ramsey

Mother, Educator and Voter 

Someday We'll Look Back on This and it Will All Seem Funny

I live in New Jersey.  I was born here.  I spent a good couple of years putting it down and waiting to get out.  And many more years calling it home again. 


So what's up with New Jersey?


Thanks to TV, the rest of the United States, (and probably a good part of the television viewing world) thinks that we speak with some kind of less-than-articulate accent, that we have big hair, and crave the material things in life.  I've never even watched two of those popular New Jersey shows, but I know the stereotype.  Ironically enough, when my family and I were at the Jersey shore two summers ago, we saw the iconic stars of that famous shore show.  But I think somehow I better not post their pictures in my blog.  


New Jersey used to feel like a an annex to New York.  When I was growing up, I didn't get that NJ had its own shtick.  All we had then was Bruce Springsteen, and we had so much of him, I lost interest.  (I know, that is blasphemy, and I've come around to appreciate him a bit more.)  


I've lived in Boston, North Carolina, Portland Oregon and San Francisco.  I even lived in Israel for part of my Junior year in college.  All of these places had their own personality.  They were all great places to live.  But I was always a visitor.  New Jersey was my home.  My parents were here, and for much of their lives, so were my grandparents. As much as I might like to put this state down, this happened to be my state.


What's up with New Jersey?  Here's what works for me...

This is a dolphin swimming by.  Really.

1. Great Beaches.  Okay, my favorite is and always has been Seaside.  With the honky tonk of the boardwalk of Seaside Heights and the spectacular waves, beaches and (usually) clean ocean of Seaside Park... this is where my family has gone for years.  Everyone has their favorite spot on the Jersey Shore. This year, we saw dolphins swim right past us.  And I have still never had better pizza  than that on the boardwalk at Seaside Heights.  (Not even in Italy.)
2. Great Schools.   I know that NJ cares about education... and although not every single town has outstanding schools, this was definitely a plus when we decided to move back here from San Francisco.
3. Proximity to New York.  Yup.  Like most people I know, my husband and I don't go into NY nearly as often as one would think, and don't take advantage of nearly enough of the cultural options.  But we COULD if we wanted to!  Mostly we go to NY for rock concerts and work related things.  And then we complain about the traffic.  But, it's still there when we want it!
4. Distance from New York.  And here's the perfection of where we live.  In our idyllic little town in Bergen County, you can almost pretend you are back in a simpler time.  Neighbors know one another and stop to chat.  Our worst traffic nightmare here is when school lets out and the crossing guard holds up the cars to let the kids cross. 
5. Happy Kids.   As much as I wanted to get out, my kids seem to have been very happy growing up here.  They loved this little town, and the freedom it afforded them to go out on their own as they got older.  They loved the shore too, and being very close to their NJ grandparents. (Their other grandparents are in Maine, and this was always a very easy drive we made 3 times a year.)
6. Prices.  This is not worth moving here, but our gas prices are lower than the surrounding states, and you never have to pump it yourself.  Also, no tax on clothing.
7. Cory Booker.   Mayor of Newark.  Maybe Governor of NJ someday.  I just wanted to mention him because I think he's all that. 
8. Tomatoes and Corn.  The best when they are in season.  Peaches too.

A few things that could be better?

1. We could do better with our environmental policies and regulations.  In my perfect little town we cannot drink the water because of high levels of arsenic.  Hmm.  
2. The Blue Laws.  Yes, we still have them.  No shopping in Bergen County on Sunday.  Don't get me started.
3. Same Sex Marriage... not here, not yet.  A same sex couple can get married in Iowa, but not in NJ?  WHAT?   DC,  New York, Massachusetts... come on now NJ, it's our turn.

Am I missing anything? 

Yes, Jon Bon Jovi.  Sorry.  I simply have nothing to say about him.  Except this.  Why does he pretend to be a cowboy?