Family Dinner

Since 1987, when my husband Michael and I packed up our baby son and drove from San Francisco, across the United States to live back in the great state of New Jersey... we have had a tradition of the Family Dinner with my parents.

At first, it was just natural.  We lived in their house while we were looking for a new home, so every night was family dinner.  Actually what I remember most was keeping my two cats locked upstairs in what used to be a playroom (now my mother's art studio) and our beloved 5:00 cocktail hour when my husband and my dad would both come home from work and we would meet in the kitchen for martinis and laughs about the day with our  joyful toddler Zachary bouncing from one person's arms to the next.

Soon we were in our own home, with our daughter Maddie joining the family; my brother had moved to the area as well soon to start a family of his own. Family dinners were usually on Sunday nights.  We chose places which were kid friendly.  I remember that Chinese food was a favorite of ours.  There was also a deli we loved.  We had a pizza place we adored, and it was there, a few years later,  having pizza and a great antipasto when we got the phone call that my niece Talia was born!

We meet and share the news the of the week.  New jobs, new boyfriends and girlfriends (the kids, not the adults... don't worry!), house troubles.  The snow.  The rain. The hurricane.  If the weather is terrible we meet for dinner.  If the weather is great... we meet for dinner.  We bring sad news, and we bring great news.  Heavy news and frivolity.  We laugh and we  are sometimes loud. We sometimes change seats before dessert.  We sing Happy Birthday in Hebrew.  Jacob and Ben, the same age, would sword-fight with tooth-picks when they were little.  Then, in the blink of an eye, they were already in the "sneak-texting" phase!

And before we knew it, our first was grown and off to college, and the reservation was for 10 and not 11 anymore.   And more often than not, the kids had things to do, rehearsals, social engagements, homework.   And just this September, the last grandchild, little Talia went to college.  Family dinner is just six of us, my parents, my brother and his wife, my husband and me.

We went out to dinner last night.

My brother chose sushi, because it was his birthday... 5 days ago.

As we order I think about all the years of the family dinners.  My husband isn't here because of work. The kids are all off, three are in college, two of mine are already through with school and on their own. October has been a rough month for me and I am somewhat pensive.

My parents are through with the menu and my sister-in-law and I are ready to order.

My brother pours some sake into his glass while we wait for the waitress.

He starts a story.

"When I was in London, sushi was very rare."
"Too bad," Dad says, not missing a beat, "because it should have been raw!"

While we are laughing over this I get a text.  As impolite as it is, I secretly check my phone at the dinner table.  It's a photo of my three kids.

They are having family dinner at my daughter's house tonight in Cambridge.  They know I love a good selfie, so they sent it to me before they cleaned up the dishes.

I see they sent it to my husband who clumsily tries to send back a smiley but sends the angry face emoji by mistake.

I smile, and I hear myself laugh.  I look up and see my brother has caught me "sneak-texting" on my phone.  I slip it back in my pocket.

Surrounded by love, I get back to the family dinner. (Insert happy emoji here.)

September Reflections 2013

On the occasion of turning triple chai ... If I did the math right (which I may not have), the heaviness of the anniversary of September 11, and the awesomeness of the Days of Awe, (the days between Rosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur)...  I felt the need to share once again with a blog.  And a list.  

54 things I love, and you might too.  Here we go.

In no particular order.  If I can't come up with 54, I'll welcome your additions.  Even if I can.

1. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.  
2. FAMILY, in my case... My kids, my parents,  my in-laws, and brother, brothers-in law and their families.
3. GOOD FRIENDS
(yes, these are pretty classic, but you'd think I had my priorities wrong if I started with Patron Tequila.  Come on, you know that's true..)
4. MUSIC! (I have  feeling this will show up a few times.) In this case, let's go with FAVORITE MUSIC.
5. PETS (Though lately my house has been a vomitorium... but okay, that's not really what I want to focus on here.)
6. DANCE! Here's my suggestion: Go out and hear your favorite music, or crank it up loud in the kitchen.  At a certain point you realize that no one really cares how you look when you are dancing, unless you specifically draw attention to yourself, or you are as awkward as Elaine Benes.
7. GARDENING: I love growing something you can eat!  The tomatoes, cucumbers and basil I grew this summer were delicious.

Don't they look great?

8. PHOTOS.  I love looking at old pictures. Try this for yourself.  I have been having fun finding old photos and scanning them and putting them on Facebook and waiting for the comments to come pouring in.  Better than the comments are the memories.  I've also found it makes me slow down a little and and take time to just look at pictures which in this digital age, I realize I do not do.  I do a mental scan now.  I zip through, find the best one, pop it up online, delete the rest and move on.

Twinkle Toes... Me at age 7. 

9. JUDAISM, And working in this field of Jewish Education, my calling, which has brought me great joy and pride.
10. BIRKENSTOCK OR NAOT SANDALS (or shoes... they're so comfortable)

10a. Any cool shoes.  
11. DISCOVERING A NEW APP FOR YOUR IPHONE OR IPAD THAT YOU REALLY DO NEED!
12. FINDING OUT YOU HAVE A DAY OFF YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD
13. WRITE A LETTER TO SOMEONE INSTEAD OF AN EMAIL.
14. THE SOUND OF A BABY'S LAUGHTER WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT IT.
15. CAMPARI TOMATOES
16. PATRON TEQUILA, or Milagro, also great and less expensive.
17. BOB DYLAN'S "BLOOD ON THE TRACKS" pretty much any time, anywhere.  Especially if you have a touch of the blues. But really anytime.
18.  I'm tired of typing in all caps.  Find a way to GIVE BACK. Clothing , books, time! The days when I start my day by dropping off bags of clothing in the basement of the church nearby where they give them to people in need are good days. Lots of schools require community service of our kids. Why not require it of yourself?
19. A Good Book.  I have not been taking the time to read.  All summer I tried to read one book because I felt I should.  Dang it. I missed out on reading a great book and losing myself in it.  Which leads me to...
20. Go to the library.  My grandmother taught me this one, and I forgot it for a long time.  But you can really lose yourself in the library.  Hey, it's just like Barnes and Noble, but you don't have to pay!
21. All the Harry Potter books! I'm jealous if you never read them!  But even if you have... you can re-read them, or give yourself a gift and listen to Jim Dale read them to you (on tape, cd, or digitally).  The movies are great too.
22. Go do something out of your comfort zone. 
23. Embrace Color.  I'm not sure why little kids, Noah, and the Gays suddenly have the sole rights to the rainbow, but it's really for all of us. Wear colors! Shoes, socks, hair... It's all good and it looks great on you.
24. Sushi
25. French Fries
26. An artichoke with lemon butter sauce
27. Anything with lemon butter sauce (and capers)  I'd eat a shoe if it had lemon-butter sauce, but then again, I love shoes.

American Beauty

28. Lobster
29. "Freaks and Geeks"
30. An unexpected phone call.  Even if you're the one who makes it.
31. A delicious ice cold beer on a hot day.  Better if it's been sitting a bucket of ice.  Best if it's not a light beer.
32. "Silverado"
33. "American Beauty"
34. Pretty much any new Western or baseball movie.
35. "Quah"
36. Finding out someone is pregnant,  about to adopt a baby, or engaged. I think my mush tolerance got all messed up when I became a mom, but I somehow my eyes get all watery when I hear this kind of news. 
37. Suet.   Not for me, of course, but for the birds.  You can buy a square of bird seed in brick of suet and hang it outside by your window, and it will attract birds all year long. (Though you should really only feed them in the winter.)  This is a pleasure of mine, just watching the brightly colored birds landing on the little block of fat and seeds and pecking away.  Woodpeckers, cardinals and blue jays are my favorites.  I have a bird identifying app on my iPhone and a bird book by the window in case an exotic new one comes along.  I realize that this may make me seem like I'm about 100 years old, but it brings me joy, it's safe, legal and completely non-fattening... provided that I do not eat the suet.
38. One Hit Wonder: Every once in a while, put the oldies station on.  And you'll thank me.  You'll hear that one song you haven't heard since high school or middle school that reminds you of your crush. Or your first broken heart.  Or the day you got your driver's license.  If you're like me,  you might even take out the iPhone and buy it on the spot.  Or if you're like normal people, you'll enjoy the moment and get back to work.
39. The Jewish holiday of Sukkot.
40. Smart Wool Socks
41. Beads!  Buying them, creating with them, wearing them, and presenting them to others.

Terrapin necklace, given to a bff

42. "Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs"
43.  Going out for a really great meal.
44. "Paul McCartney Unplugged"
45. Sharing a laugh, a real laugh, with someone. That someone tends to be someone in my family.
Look at that, how easy it was to come up with 45 things I love... just 9 more...

46. Road Trips! 
47. Live Music, Concerts, and my new thing... Festivals!
48. Photography...taking a great photo is very satisfying
49. Teaching.  I know I mentioned it above, but I love what I do, and teaching is a part of it.
50. Social Media: no denying... I'm very happy with the various types of ways to connect... Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest.  Sometimes time-wasters... sometimes valuable tools.  I'm getting better at figuring out the fine line between the two.
51. Cooking a really delicious meal at home and not having to clean up.
52. Grateful Dead, Furthur, Phil Lesh and Bob Weir and Jerry Garcia (z"l)... Well, there can't be a list without a thank you to these guys who, for most of my life (since age 17) have brought me joy. Before them my list was
53. Beach Boys, Billy Joel, David Bowie and THE BEATLES. My musical foundation.  Not too bad.
54. Every beautiful day makes me feel grateful. I love being outdoors and I know I'll look back on these perfect days when the bad weather comes.

and ... one to grow on...
55. I'm grateful to be healthy and alive.  You don't need to be a cancer survivor to feel this way.  It doesn't need to be September 11 or almost Yom Kippur for me to say how thankful I am to have reach this day, this time, this season surrounded by beauty and love.

May this year be a year of love, peace, family, laughter, music, good friends, good health for us all, while we still work together for a better tomorrow for our children and our children's children.

Me, on 9/8/13 

Have any to add?  Please do, by posting in the comment section. It may take a while but your comments will appear after I retrieve them from the spam folder. 

Also, as I wrote this on September 11, if you would like to take a moment to hear or read first hand accounts of that tragic day, this is a great website and organization, especially for educators. September 11 Tribute Center

Editor's Note September 12... feedback from the blog... Okay, for number 5, I should mention that I love my dogs, the two who are living, Bear and Scout, and beloved Jerry who passed away...(and lets not forget my childhood pooches, Shadow and Tzatzkeleh).  I love them to pieces, and they may have gotten short shrift in this blog due to the fact that they've been sick and costing us a fortune at the vet and making a general pooping vomitty mess lately. I also love Jinx the cat and Jack Straw the Turtle, but let's face it, I adore the dogs and they love me back.  In fact, Scout is sleeping on my feet right now.

Scout as a puppy, the cutest.

Handsome Bear

Addenda: Rusted Root (excellent Band), Dark Star Orchestra (phenomenal band!), Spring, Summer and Fall, and my new and absolutely gorgeous cowboy boots! Life is full of favorite things! I can't believe I forgot these in the first draft! 

JB