The Fractured Shofar

 Thoughts on The High Holy Days 2024

      On Wednesday, October 2 at sundown, Jews around the world will observe Rosh HaShannah, the Jewish New Year.  This is not streamers and party hats, this is self reflection, prayer, and usually a delicious meal or two with family (given or chosen).  

  Our year is 5785 - and as the old joke goes - we will be writing 5784 at least until Cheshvan. 

  But this year, along with the savory brisket, the sweet round challah and the familiar sound of the shofar, many of us have broken hearts.  We are coming to the one year anniversary of the deadly Hamas attack on in Israel on October 7, and nearly one year of constant fighting in Israel.  We have also witnessed unprecedented antisemitism here at home.  I know that I am not alone when I share with you that I have been entirely miserable, angry, scared and deeply sad. 

  I became a grandmother about a year and a half ago.  This joy represents the complete opposite end of the emotional continuum - my jubilation when I learned I would be a grandmother, meeting my babies for the first time, holding them, now playing with them, watching them as they take their first tentative steps and start to say words - this joy is filling a place in my heart that is hard to describe. Love, brilliance, laughing at nothing, pure positivity.  

  Is it possible to feel both divine joy and utter sadness at the same time?  If I do not compartmentalize this sadness, and, at the same time tamp down the need to call the kids and facetime with those babies, how is work to be done? How is a lesson to be written? A child to be taught?  Laundry to get washed? 

  In a very timely book entitled "Not a Mahzor: High Holiday Reader 5785" Rabbi Jeremy Markiz wrote an essay that addresses exactly this.  His conclusion (I urge you to buy the book, link below) is that our hearts are actually big enough to hold all these feelings.  This really resonates with me.

 When I first became a parent, I felt my love for my first child so intensely, so emotionally that I didn't think it was possible.  We knew we wanted a bigger family, but as I was expecting my second baby, I worried - how could I love this next baby the way I loved the first?  When she was born it was obvious.  My capacity for love just increased.  (And again with my third child.  Just imagine it now with two grandchildren!) 

  We are stronger than we think and we can be simultaneously worried, hurt, angry, in love, joyful, proud and determined to overcome adversity. Will we ever be truly joyful with no restraints again on Simchat Torah (the Hebrew calendar's anniversary of 10/7) - I don't think this generation can. There are still 101 hostages in the caves tunnels of Gaza.  In synagogues we set an empty chair for them. At home we still light an extra Shabbat candle for them.  This nightmare may fade, but the scar will last for my lifetime.  I can find fun in music, in family, in my students' ah hah moments, in a favorite movie.  And at the same time I hold deep sorrow and anger. 

  I asked ChatGPT to create the image for this blog post.  A fractured Shofar. We are fractured but we are still here.  Rabbi Markiz also says in his essay that we don't need to go it alone (I'm paraphrasing). It's hard to find community but now's when we need it the most. I urge you to find your community, your Kehillah and connect or reconnect. I'll try to follow my own advice as well.

 L'Shannah Tovah U'Metukah 

Not A Mahzor: High Holiday Reader 5785

September Reflections 2013

On the occasion of turning triple chai ... If I did the math right (which I may not have), the heaviness of the anniversary of September 11, and the awesomeness of the Days of Awe, (the days between Rosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur)...  I felt the need to share once again with a blog.  And a list.  

54 things I love, and you might too.  Here we go.

In no particular order.  If I can't come up with 54, I'll welcome your additions.  Even if I can.

1. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.  
2. FAMILY, in my case... My kids, my parents,  my in-laws, and brother, brothers-in law and their families.
3. GOOD FRIENDS
(yes, these are pretty classic, but you'd think I had my priorities wrong if I started with Patron Tequila.  Come on, you know that's true..)
4. MUSIC! (I have  feeling this will show up a few times.) In this case, let's go with FAVORITE MUSIC.
5. PETS (Though lately my house has been a vomitorium... but okay, that's not really what I want to focus on here.)
6. DANCE! Here's my suggestion: Go out and hear your favorite music, or crank it up loud in the kitchen.  At a certain point you realize that no one really cares how you look when you are dancing, unless you specifically draw attention to yourself, or you are as awkward as Elaine Benes.
7. GARDENING: I love growing something you can eat!  The tomatoes, cucumbers and basil I grew this summer were delicious.

Don't they look great?

8. PHOTOS.  I love looking at old pictures. Try this for yourself.  I have been having fun finding old photos and scanning them and putting them on Facebook and waiting for the comments to come pouring in.  Better than the comments are the memories.  I've also found it makes me slow down a little and and take time to just look at pictures which in this digital age, I realize I do not do.  I do a mental scan now.  I zip through, find the best one, pop it up online, delete the rest and move on.

Twinkle Toes... Me at age 7. 

9. JUDAISM, And working in this field of Jewish Education, my calling, which has brought me great joy and pride.
10. BIRKENSTOCK OR NAOT SANDALS (or shoes... they're so comfortable)

10a. Any cool shoes.  
11. DISCOVERING A NEW APP FOR YOUR IPHONE OR IPAD THAT YOU REALLY DO NEED!
12. FINDING OUT YOU HAVE A DAY OFF YOU DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD
13. WRITE A LETTER TO SOMEONE INSTEAD OF AN EMAIL.
14. THE SOUND OF A BABY'S LAUGHTER WHEN YOU DON'T EXPECT IT.
15. CAMPARI TOMATOES
16. PATRON TEQUILA, or Milagro, also great and less expensive.
17. BOB DYLAN'S "BLOOD ON THE TRACKS" pretty much any time, anywhere.  Especially if you have a touch of the blues. But really anytime.
18.  I'm tired of typing in all caps.  Find a way to GIVE BACK. Clothing , books, time! The days when I start my day by dropping off bags of clothing in the basement of the church nearby where they give them to people in need are good days. Lots of schools require community service of our kids. Why not require it of yourself?
19. A Good Book.  I have not been taking the time to read.  All summer I tried to read one book because I felt I should.  Dang it. I missed out on reading a great book and losing myself in it.  Which leads me to...
20. Go to the library.  My grandmother taught me this one, and I forgot it for a long time.  But you can really lose yourself in the library.  Hey, it's just like Barnes and Noble, but you don't have to pay!
21. All the Harry Potter books! I'm jealous if you never read them!  But even if you have... you can re-read them, or give yourself a gift and listen to Jim Dale read them to you (on tape, cd, or digitally).  The movies are great too.
22. Go do something out of your comfort zone. 
23. Embrace Color.  I'm not sure why little kids, Noah, and the Gays suddenly have the sole rights to the rainbow, but it's really for all of us. Wear colors! Shoes, socks, hair... It's all good and it looks great on you.
24. Sushi
25. French Fries
26. An artichoke with lemon butter sauce
27. Anything with lemon butter sauce (and capers)  I'd eat a shoe if it had lemon-butter sauce, but then again, I love shoes.

American Beauty

28. Lobster
29. "Freaks and Geeks"
30. An unexpected phone call.  Even if you're the one who makes it.
31. A delicious ice cold beer on a hot day.  Better if it's been sitting a bucket of ice.  Best if it's not a light beer.
32. "Silverado"
33. "American Beauty"
34. Pretty much any new Western or baseball movie.
35. "Quah"
36. Finding out someone is pregnant,  about to adopt a baby, or engaged. I think my mush tolerance got all messed up when I became a mom, but I somehow my eyes get all watery when I hear this kind of news. 
37. Suet.   Not for me, of course, but for the birds.  You can buy a square of bird seed in brick of suet and hang it outside by your window, and it will attract birds all year long. (Though you should really only feed them in the winter.)  This is a pleasure of mine, just watching the brightly colored birds landing on the little block of fat and seeds and pecking away.  Woodpeckers, cardinals and blue jays are my favorites.  I have a bird identifying app on my iPhone and a bird book by the window in case an exotic new one comes along.  I realize that this may make me seem like I'm about 100 years old, but it brings me joy, it's safe, legal and completely non-fattening... provided that I do not eat the suet.
38. One Hit Wonder: Every once in a while, put the oldies station on.  And you'll thank me.  You'll hear that one song you haven't heard since high school or middle school that reminds you of your crush. Or your first broken heart.  Or the day you got your driver's license.  If you're like me,  you might even take out the iPhone and buy it on the spot.  Or if you're like normal people, you'll enjoy the moment and get back to work.
39. The Jewish holiday of Sukkot.
40. Smart Wool Socks
41. Beads!  Buying them, creating with them, wearing them, and presenting them to others.

Terrapin necklace, given to a bff

42. "Layla and Other Assorted Love Songs"
43.  Going out for a really great meal.
44. "Paul McCartney Unplugged"
45. Sharing a laugh, a real laugh, with someone. That someone tends to be someone in my family.
Look at that, how easy it was to come up with 45 things I love... just 9 more...

46. Road Trips! 
47. Live Music, Concerts, and my new thing... Festivals!
48. Photography...taking a great photo is very satisfying
49. Teaching.  I know I mentioned it above, but I love what I do, and teaching is a part of it.
50. Social Media: no denying... I'm very happy with the various types of ways to connect... Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest.  Sometimes time-wasters... sometimes valuable tools.  I'm getting better at figuring out the fine line between the two.
51. Cooking a really delicious meal at home and not having to clean up.
52. Grateful Dead, Furthur, Phil Lesh and Bob Weir and Jerry Garcia (z"l)... Well, there can't be a list without a thank you to these guys who, for most of my life (since age 17) have brought me joy. Before them my list was
53. Beach Boys, Billy Joel, David Bowie and THE BEATLES. My musical foundation.  Not too bad.
54. Every beautiful day makes me feel grateful. I love being outdoors and I know I'll look back on these perfect days when the bad weather comes.

and ... one to grow on...
55. I'm grateful to be healthy and alive.  You don't need to be a cancer survivor to feel this way.  It doesn't need to be September 11 or almost Yom Kippur for me to say how thankful I am to have reach this day, this time, this season surrounded by beauty and love.

May this year be a year of love, peace, family, laughter, music, good friends, good health for us all, while we still work together for a better tomorrow for our children and our children's children.

Me, on 9/8/13 

Have any to add?  Please do, by posting in the comment section. It may take a while but your comments will appear after I retrieve them from the spam folder. 

Also, as I wrote this on September 11, if you would like to take a moment to hear or read first hand accounts of that tragic day, this is a great website and organization, especially for educators. September 11 Tribute Center

Editor's Note September 12... feedback from the blog... Okay, for number 5, I should mention that I love my dogs, the two who are living, Bear and Scout, and beloved Jerry who passed away...(and lets not forget my childhood pooches, Shadow and Tzatzkeleh).  I love them to pieces, and they may have gotten short shrift in this blog due to the fact that they've been sick and costing us a fortune at the vet and making a general pooping vomitty mess lately. I also love Jinx the cat and Jack Straw the Turtle, but let's face it, I adore the dogs and they love me back.  In fact, Scout is sleeping on my feet right now.

Scout as a puppy, the cutest.

Handsome Bear

Addenda: Rusted Root (excellent Band), Dark Star Orchestra (phenomenal band!), Spring, Summer and Fall, and my new and absolutely gorgeous cowboy boots! Life is full of favorite things! I can't believe I forgot these in the first draft! 

JB

Hold the Onions

I bageled someone in the airport yesterday.

It's not as invasive as it sounds.  It's our (the Jewish People's) way of finding out if a stranger is a Member of the Tribe (MOT*), or just someone from Manhattan.

I could have come right out and said, "So, are you rushing home for Kol Nidre?" 
But that would be too obvious. 

So, I waited til the conversation naturally came around to the perfect moment.

We are sitting in the fairly comfortable Sea-Tac (now I understand... Seattle-Tacoma! Ah-hah!) waiting area for our flight.  Facing the big window and watching the planes.  I'm on my laptop.  She's on her phone.  She's speaking so loudly that I can't help but hear every word of her conversation, which is not unpleasant, but just a bit distracting. Lots of food mentions.  So far these are my three clues, not to stereotype my own people or anything.  But, actually no mention of Rosh HaShannah, the Jewish New Year I assume she has just celebrated with them all, or Yom Kippur, the mighty day of awe I figure we are both trying to get back for.  More clues are needed.

She's off the phone. Brand new iPad is out.  She is complaining loudly to it.  Hmm. So she's richer than me, and probably older than me, but this is also not a dead give-away.   She's muttering about how to get "the Internet hooked up" around here.  I'm pretty sure I can help... do I dive in?  No need, her phone rings again.

Why am I compelled to connect with this woman in the airport who might be Jewish?  Is is because I have been travelling already half a day and have hours more, and just want to chat with someone?  Is it because I feel the need to find another MOT (member of the tribe, remember?) in middle of an area where we are so few? Or maybe, during these "Days of Awe" as we call them, when we are supposed to take time to reflect, I have been so busy I have not stopped to BE.  And seeing this woman made me feel that it was time to come home to my people.  (Which I literally was on my way to do...)

And then my chance came.

She hangs up the phone, and this time I had been so deep in my thoughts, and updating my Facebook page, that I actually had not been eavesdropping on her conversation.

"Excuse me...?"  It's her! 
"Yes?"  She has an upset look.
"Do you know what kind of plane we will be on?  My daughter just told me it's a small one.  I'm nervous."
"I do actually.  I looked it up.  It's a 737.  It's two rows of 3 seats.  A lot bigger than the plane I took here from Portland."  
"Is it safe?"
She's serious.  Wow.  Isn't every plane pretty safe except when it's not?  
"Yes!  Of course... and look, it doesn't even look like it'll be that crowded... When I flew out here, every seat was filled and I had a middle seat.  I'll tell you, I had such shpilkes**"

That was it.  I had my chance.  I bageled her.  She not only forgot she was nervous, she took the bait, or shall  I say, the lox, and we had a great conversation about Judaism.  She shared some of her story with me, and I shared mine.  And she WAS in fact, rushing home for Yom Kippur, as I was.  There we were, the only two Jews in all of Sea-Tac, finding each other at gate N-9, waiting for a plane.

Later on the plane, I heard two people from the exact same tiny  town in Minnesota make a similar connection.  I wonder what they call it?  Beef Jerkeying each other?  

I wanted to say good-bye to her when I saw her at the baggage claim, but, of course, she was on her phone.  So I gave her a little wave and went on my way.  

I didn't make up the term "Bageling," and I don't remember who did, but I love it. If you have a similar story, I'd love to hear it.  And now back to preparing for the awe-filled days of awe.

Yep, I traveled on Air Alaska. For the record, just as sub-par as the rest of them.

*Thanks to Marjorie S. for this nifty new abbreviation!
**Shpilkes:  When you cannot possibly sit still one more second.  

It's The Time of the Season

This is not as long as it looks.  I used a very large font.  Mostly so I could read it myself.  


Z'man Simchateinu... the time of our joy.  How can you NOT love Sukkot?  For those of you who are perplexed (read: are not Jewish, do not live in New York or did not attend Brandeis) let me explain.  On the other hand, if this feels like Mrs. Nussbaum's 3rd grade class at Temple Beth Shalom Tikvah Emmanuel, feel free to scroll ahead.

Fall painted our backyard with a delicate brush.

Most non-Israeli, Jews who identify themselves as liberal (with a small "l") live by two calendars.  The secular calendar and the Jewish calendar.  Depending on your level of observance, where you live, and your personal choices they may be sitting side by side, or one may be a few pencil marks within the other.  (For me, the two are deeply embedded within one another, since I live in the secular world, but I make my life's work in the Jewish world. I suspect this is the case for most people in what I like to call "the Jew Biz.")  By the end of the summer as the school year looms ahead, we start to think about our big holiday season.  Just like every child knows, the new year does not start January 1, but it starts in September.   That is unless Rosh HaShannah comes at the end of August or the beginning of October.  (Why can't we pick a date and stick to it? Ah hah!  We did!  It happens to be the first of Tishrei without fail.)


(Want more info about the Jewish calendar? Click here to go to Hebcal.com.)


Rosh HaShannah and Yom Kippur are our way of saying to ourselves:  Here comes a new year.  A new chance to start over, make what's wrong right.  Correct what you don't like about yourself and polish up what you do.  I thought a lot about writing a blog entry for these days, but I was too busy processesing them.  This was the first time in years (possibly 20 or more) that I did not have some kind of work obligation during these Holy Days, and I was trying to enter into them completely open.  


(Need a real lesson on the Jewish Holidays?  Try the Reform movement's website URJ.org or Conservative Judaism's website.  Or any of the myriad of choices out there.  Or, a book!)


Right after Yom Kippur,  comes the festive holiday of Sukkot.  That means it's time to build the Sukkah for a seven (or eight) day holiday where we are commanded to "be joyful."  A Sukkah is, by definition, a temporary hut that we put up outside.  The idea is to "sit" or "dwell" in it as much as you can.  Some families eat in there every night, others try for one meal a day, some have sleep-overs in their sukkot (plural of sukkah).  We decorate them, we light them up and bring food out for back to nature dining, unless the weather is just so rainy that it will ruin the food.  

The dog is overseeing the progress.

Almost done...

Close-up of the Eastern Wall.

I love our Sukkah.  We've built one every year since our oldest child was a toddler and asked if we could build one when he learned about it in his nursery school.  Yes, he gets the credit for it.  (That is, for us building a sukkah, not for the entire holiday.  I'm a big fan of his, but let's not overdo it.)  As much as my children have life long memories of beach vacations and family trips to Maine, I know that time spent in the Sukkah, eating, singing and laughing together, is also part of the fabric of their shared family history.

Lulav and Etrog, with Holiday candles. 

So, tonight at sundown, we'll go out there and maybe have our dinner.  The fact is, it's been raining all day and we may just say the Hebrew prayers and retreat to the cozy kitchen tonight.  But we have a week to enjoy this beautiful Sukkah.


So, between all these Jewish holidays, what else is happening in my so-called life?  


I am thrilled but incredibly nervous that Gilad Shalit may be home before long.  I know that they are working out the details now, and we will know soon.  As a teacher, two important topics come to mind to discuss with my classes.  One... that this one young man... the son of every mother in Israel right now... is worth over 1,000 Palestinians.  What does that say?  And two... 5 Years in captivity.  How old were you five years ago?  What has happened in those five years?  What if you had to miss it all?  




My neighbor is having her driveway completely excavated today.  Why?  To put in heat sensors to melt the snow and ice when winter comes. Yes.  This technology exists.  All I can say is this is brilliant.  I applaud her.  Her kids are grown, I imagine her house is paid for, and she can afford it.  Now, on those ridiculous winter mornings, when I am out there, dressed in so many layers I can't bend my elbows, hacking away at the snow with that tool that's likely to take off a toe someday, I know my neighbor can sit in her house, at her computer, reading my blog, and  watching the snow melt off her driveway.

October is breast cancer awareness month... in an upcoming blog I plan to write about cancer (yes, that should be a fun one) and I'd welcome your personal stories if you want to share.  You can email me or send me a note in the comment section below.  


I was very sad, along with the rest of the world, to read about Steve Jobs' death this week.  Here is the quote of his that really resonated with me.  I got it from Cory Booker's facebook page, he quoted it from the famous 2005 speech that Steve Jobs made to the graduating class at Stanford: "For the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?'  And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."


I wish you and your friends and family a time of joy... whether you celebrate Sukkot or not.  Go and look at those leaves before they are gone.  Bite an apple that was just picked, smell anything cooked with cinnamon, and figure out how to get some hugs from the people you love.