This is the copy I sent to The Record, the local NJ newspaper. So far it has not been published. But this blog post has been viewed quite a few times. And it looks like Maryland is about to be the next state to pass same-sex marriage.
February 18, 2012
I have been ranting on my Facebook page, and doing a lot of tweeting lately, and even though the world is going the way of the social media, due to the seriousness of this issue, an actual letter is in order. You see, lives are at stake- lives of people we know, and countless people we don’t know.
The need to write send this letter to the paper began as I read yesterday’s Record. There were two front page headlines: New picture of defendant and Gay Marriage Backers Plan for Coming Battle. The first refers to the tragedy of Tyler Clementi’s suicide, and the planned court date of his roommate.The second refers to The Marriage Equality bill, passed by both the New Jersey State Senate and House, which would soon be reaching Governor Christie’s desk for a signature, and the preparations being made for a potential battle which is likely to ensue if he should decline. A few hours later, as he promised, Chris Christie vetoed this bill that meant so much to so many.
He had said publicly that he planned to veto the bill and “...move on to other things that the people of New Jersey say are more important to them… (Gay marriage backers plan for strategy for coming battle, 2012).” It made me wonder if he thought to ask voters if saving the life of a young college student might be right up there with creating jobs and lowering taxes.
I’ll explain the connection.
Tyler Clementi, a Rutgers freshman, jumped to his death off the George Washington Bridge, after being “outed” as gay by his roommate. He was more than outed. He was exposed publicly, virally, on Facebook and Twitter. Because being gay is still being “The Other,” and because of the speed and scope at which this occurred, Tyler, overwhelmed, decided he would rather take his own life than face the fallout of this public “outing.” As a result, and in the wake of this horrible tragedy, schools all across New Jersey, and the United States, have increased their efforts to stop bullying.
As positive as this development is, there is an interesting twist. There are specific laws which support moves to stop bullying on the basis of prejudice or bias. If you make a racist comment about an ethnic group, it is considered a hate crime. Any action taken against a religious group is likewise punishable based upon that principle. It seems that the intention of the law is to protect against any crime against any group based upon cultural difference. Clearly, a veto of same-sex marriage now marginalizes an entire segment of our population. Our own government has just provided an excuse for the ignorant and cruel among us to continue to behave in a way that is reprehensible. Chris Christie missed an opportunity to teach a new generation that the bigotry of their parents will not be tolerated. He missed the chance to teach them the true meaning of democracy and equality. By vetoing this bill, he gave kids the go-ahead to bully and tease gay and lesbian kids. He allowed teachers to stand idly by when they see it. Christie is saying that gay and lesbians are not equal to heterosexuals. In fact, even the children of these couples will now be subject to another generation of ostracizing and elitism rather than acceptance and understanding if we do not work together for change right now.
The state senate and legislature have voted. Polls clearly indicate that the majority of those living in New Jersey currently and strongly support Marriage Equality. And for those who may not love the idea of a gay marriage, the wonderful thing about our country is that they never have to have one.
I am saddened and disgusted that our governor did not hear the voices of his constituents, that he did not represent our state and his voters by doing the right thing. He had the chance to make New Jersey the seventh state to boast marriage equality. Doing so would only have helped our state. Hopefully the New Jersey government will be able to override his veto. Then, like our parents, who knew that people of color were not “separate but equal,” and that women and men all have solace in the job market, in just a few years, we would be able look back at this milestone, and say that we were part of the generation who made this change.
Juliet Barr
Ramsey
Mother, Educator and Voter
Great essay. It may take 1 more generation, but marriage equality will come. My kids think about sexual preference like hair color. (gay vs. straight is no more important than blonde vs. brunette in deciding whether someone can be your friend.) As more people come out, I realize how "normal" gay people are, and how unfair it is to treat them differently. However, this seemed to be a more difficult and incomplete process for me than members of the next generation.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. What if every parent taught his or her kids peace, love and tolerance, knowing that it's the right thing to do, even if that made them just a little bit uncomfortable? What if we all chose our words carefully in front of our kids for the entire time they lived in our houses? Think about it? In just one generation we'd have eliminated biases and stereotypes by one huge leap!
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