Four Concerts and a Funeral

Click here for The Wheel from Hartford 6/28/16 - thank you Dave Davis

Dead and Company are touring now and if you have caught any of the shows, either live or via your couch, you might agree that if it's not the real thing, it's close enough to pretend.  My journey with this iteration began in the fall with the Halloween shows at Madison Square Garden, and as much as I loved those, this last run has shown us that they've really become a band.  They've tightened up, brought out "new" old material and they look like they are having some fun out there.

Depending where you go, you can find a fairly authentic "Shakedown Street" taking over part of the parking lot,  with lots of groovy Dead-related chochtkes, and the obligatory veggie burrito stand, $3 beers and $1 waters.

I was happy to find a nice little hand-made pink-rose head wreath to replace the one I left in a hotel room after the last Furthur tour.

My tour took me to Saratoga, two shows at Citifield and Hartford Connecticut.  Each one is a story in itself.  The people, the music, the scene... it was a rainbow full of sound.



So I will start with Saratoga, and the perfect symmetry of the place, the music and my personal story of  NOT meeting Bob Weir.

Seeing Dead and Company at Saratoga Performing Arts Center on June 21 was not the first time I had ever been there.  I had seen Furthur play there a few years ago, and way back in July of 2001 --- I was lucky enough to see the double bill of Phil and Friends and Ratdog play at SPAC.

Since there WAS a band called Ratdog, Bob Weir and the recently departed Rob Wasserman (bass) were the founding members of this sometime trio which included Jay Lane (drums), and usually others including Jeff Chimenti (keyboard) and Steve Kimock (guitar).  The band formed in 1995 (before Jerry died, actually) and toured heavily except when Furthur was going strong.  This particular summer the group also included Mark Karan and Kenny Brooks.

Phil Lesh has been playing with assorted friends since 1998, and too many to name here.  The summer I saw them at SPAC the friends included John Molo (drums), Warren Haynes (guitar) Jimmy Herring (guitar) and Rob Barraco (keys) - a favorite line-up that would later be known as the Q - for the Quintet.  Or maybe it already was then, but not to me!

But wait.  There's more.  After years of seeing the Grateful Dead, and now Ratdog, and, okay, me being maybe just a little starry-eyed over Bob Weir, a conversation that had been going on in our family finally came back to the surface.

Turns out my husband Michael's brother was really good friends with Rob Wasserman.  As in REALLY good.  Backstage pass kind of good.  Brother-in-law had suggested many times we go meet Rob, as he is a super nice guy.  I never said yes to his offer, but this time, at my husband's urging, we decided to go for it.  Get the backstage passes.  Meet Rob Wasserman.  Maybe even meet Phil Lesh and --gulp -- Bob Weir too!

I don't remember the drive up to Saratoga.  I don't remember where we stayed.  I remember going to the box office and getting our passes, which were stickers we put on our jeans.  I have to admit I don't remember the first set at all, because I was a nervous wreck.   A few times during Bobby's set, my husband asked me if I wanted to watch from the side of the stage.  I definitely did not.

As we neared the set break, it was now or never. I had my camera in my shaking hand.

Going backstage was surprisingly easy.  As I stood there, trying to be invisible, I saw Bob Weir coming off the stage.  He greeted a few friends.  He looked a little sweaty and really --- real! And wonderful.  I took a few photos and tried to hide and not make eye contact. After I collected myself enough, we went further backstage to find Rob Wasserman.

While my head was swimming from this close encounter with my idol, Michael awkwardly asked a security guy where Rob was, when he was standing right next to us.  Oh well.  He pretended not to have heard. He was hard to miss, as he stood very tall and sightly disheveled.  And as discombobulated as I had been a minute before, Rob's kind, calm way immediately brought me back to earth. He remembered who we were, and thanked us for coming. I had brought my "Trios" CD with me and asked him to sign it, which he was happy to do.

Can you see where he signed it?  All I had was a red sharpie... 
It says "Juliet Peace Rob Wasserman"

We chatted for a minute or two more, but he seemed to be ready to go back into the Green Room.  Before we left, he asked if we wanted to meet Bob.  At the same time, Michael said "Yes!" and I said, "No!" leaving Rob looking a little confused.  We thanked him for the passes and started to walk back the way we came.

I put the CD back in my bag.  "I should have taken a picture." I said, looking at the camera that had been in my hand and as I looked up, there, right in front of us was none other than Phil Lesh.  He was getting ready to go onstage, looking great in a red, white and blue tie-dye.  I snapped a photo.  Bob was there too, mixing it up with some fans.  I heard Michael behind me saying, "Just say hello!"

It was all too much.  My head was swimming.  My insides were emulsifying.  My hands were trembling.  Michael brought me to the beer garden and sat me down while he got me something to drink.  I don't remember much about Phil's set either except that Bob sat in.  Luckily I have the magic of the Internet to see what they played that night. (See below for set lists.)

After that, I never again used my connection to the kind Rob Wasserman to go backstage, much to the chagrin of my friends.

How heartbreaking that we lost this mighty talent on June 30.  His kindness and gentle ways were evident even in my short meeting with him, and I know that those who really knew him must be devastated.   Whenever we lose an artist we go to their art to help with the process of mourning, and so I bring you some tracks off of his CD Trios...  a solo piece, a piece with Jerry Garcia and Edie Brickell and a piece with Neil Young and of course, Bob Weir.  The links are at the bottom of this blog.

So as we move back into the present, I am grateful to have one more Dead & Co. show coming up, at Fenway Park... I'm pretty excited about that, I have to say.  I get to finally go to that great stadium without having to see the Red Sox- plus I will have a blast with all my New England Deadhead friends.

Just dust off those rusty strings one more time boys...

Eventually I'd get to speak to Bobby, but that's another story!

Songs off of the Trios Album- I attached some cool photos to the songs as a bonus.  Isn't technology amazing?

(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction - Rob Wasserman
Zillionaire - Rob Wasserman, Jerry Garcia, Edie Brickell
Easy Answers - Rob Wasserman, Bob Weir, Neil Young









Ratdog's Set that Night:

Blackbird, Me and My Uncle, Friend of the Devil, Bury Me Standing > Good Morning Little Schoolgirl > Playin in the Band > Uncle John's Band > October Queen > The Deep End > Even So > He's Gone > The Other One > Bass/Drums > Samson and Delilah, Lady with a Fan > Terrapin > Uncle John's Band

(from ratdog.org)

Phil's Set that Night: 

Set 1: Jam > Shakedown> Wheel Jam, *Music Never Stopped> *Good Lovin', Low Spark> Tenessee Jed, Tons Of Steel Set 2: Viola> Mars Jam> Viola> Mountain Jam> Dupree's, Night Of 1000 Stars> Space Jam> Lucy In The Sky> Mason's Children, The Wheel> Other One Chorus> Wheel Reprise> Sugaree E: Casey Jones *with Bob Weir Ratdog Opened )

from philzone.com

Here we are, sitting in the fenced off beer garden, a garbage bag and two very early photo bombers in the background. 

Don't Stand So Close to Me

I'll make this short, though not so sweet.

I'm tired of saying "I won't go out alone," or "I need a concert buddy," and something that happened last night to a good friend of mine proves that I will be saying that for a long time to come.

My friend Sharon and I went out for a nice dinner and then to hear some live music at a favorite club. I go there all the time, and was excited to show her this special place.  We hadn't seen each other in a while and never ran out of conversation: our kids, our men, our extended families, music we had seen and were yet to see, our jobs...  We really were enjoying the night and anticipating some great tunes.

When we got to the bar, she loved it and we each got a drink and found a nice spot to settle in.  I saw a few friends mine and introduced her.  We got back to our conversation.

But then, Sharon's face fell, as she saw someone she knew.   Before she could tell me anything, he came over, and was in our space.  As she's a kind person, she wasn't rude, but nothing in her voice or body language gave this guy, Carl, the impression she was happy to see him, or welcome in our conversation, except possibly his ego. After he moved on, I assured her the room would get crowded and we'd keep our distance.

Other guys came up to us (mostly her) and we coolly let them know we were not interested.  But as the night wore on, Carl, and another guy (we'll call him Stan) circled around Sharon like two hawks taking turns.  The more drunk they got, the more assertive they became.  Another friend came by and made a wedge between Sharon and Carl so she and I could dance, but this could only last so long. When Stan started touching Sharon's shoulders, we moved to the back of the room, but that's where Carl was.

By the end of the first set, we were done.  I felt exhausted trying to help her, she looked miserable and beleaguered having had to fight them off all night.  I felt stupid that I had to ask my friends to "babysit" us when we were out for the night.  I felt horrible thinking "next time we should just come with our husbands."  What is this?  1950?

This is not our fault!  Last night it happened to Sharon, but this has happened to me. And not when I was in my 20's.  It's happened all my life, and still happens.  It happens to my daughter.  If you are reading this maybe it's happened to you.  Or your wife, mom, daughter, girlfriend.

Hey men.  If this is what you do when you drink too much, stop drinking. This is not appropriate or fair behavior.  It is harassment.  If it happened in the work place you would all be fired.  But if it happens in a bar, we  women just leave feeling bad and missing the music.

It's time for a change. Instead of leaving the bar next time, I will be talking to the manager about the belligerent patron(s) hassling and harassing the women.

And then I'll have fun with my concert buddy and enjoy the music.



Post Script:
After publishing this blog and getting a lot of feedback on facebook and a ton of hits... I thought I'd publish some of the comments from people.  Since they didn't publish them here, I have omitted their names, as I did in the original blog.

From my friend who was in the band that I went to see...

I'm so upset to hear this. I wish I could have been aware. The whole band would have been off the stage to remove them in seconds. Sadly it would not have been our first time doing this. In the unlikely event you make it back ...to our next gig... we can have a hand signal. I'll also let the bouncer know to have your back. I know (other friends in a favorite band) will do the same. No excuse for our friends to feel uncomfortable even for a second.

From a fellow concert-goer who is not my friend...well, now she is.

I go out alone all the time. Step 1: "Please don't talk to me." Step 2 (the warning): "Do I have to get security or police involved?" Step 3: Let security know and have someone walk you to your car. If you notice someone following you- head straight to police dept. I even have the police station programmed on my gps so if someone breaks into my car and decides to visit my home- they'll get a big surprise! Zero tolerance for intimidation and harassment over here!

It's a shame we have to think like this, but some good advice...

This one is from a good friend of mine:

All women have a right to go out and enjoy themselves without having to deal with being harassed and stalked. Men need to step up and call out any man they see acting in a disrespectful manner. Women however, need to stop worrying about protecting people's feelings and being perceived as "rude" or a "bitch". It goes against how our culture raises us, but we need to break the cycle. Any woman has a right to tell a guy to back off, and if they don't, get the staff involved.

Absolutely.  And another good friend, a male wrote:

Read this with great distress. I also noticed there are no comments from guys on this at all. Perhaps, like me, they are uncomfortable being associated with males that act that way. I'm sorry for your experience Juliet.

So, who knows... maybe getting the conversation started was a good thing to do.  Just today I learned that the manager of this particular bar read the blog and was completely on board with making sure all patrons in this music venue feel safe at all times.  I guess that should go without saying, but knowing what has been going on under his watch now makes him responsible.   And makes me feel a lot better about heading back there again real soon.

Okay, one more thing...

My 29 year-old son was home for a visit.  He heard me talking about this incident, and the blog.  He didn't really want to discuss it, or the implications of what must happen all the time with his sister, a gorgeous 25 year-old who goes out alone all the time. But, I did find this article, carefully cut out of the New York Times, sitting at my spot at the kitchen table one morning.

What a Lifetime of Leers Does to Us